Everyone Could Use Some Good Advice

Did anyone else catch this Dear Abby exchange? I think I might know who wrote it.

Dear Abby,

I am a 60-year-old woman who is married to a man who acts like he hates me. In public, he pretends he loves me and talks about how wonderful I am, but in private, he shakes his finger in my face and he constantly tells me how ugly I am without make-up. I've tried everything, including a face-lift, cheek implants, botox treatments, and a chin tuck. I even went on a diet and lost 20 pounds.

He left his job a few years ago after having an affair with a woman in his office. He hasn't even looked for another job; he's just been "volunteering." We haven't slept together since I confronted him about the affair. He denied it, of course, but everybody knew it. It was humiliating. I believe he is still messing around.

While we both want to sell this house, we argue constantly about when to put it on the market. The house we want will be available in a few months. My husband wants to put our house on the market now. I think we should wait a while. He has already started collecting boxes and packing up his stuff. Do you think he is planning to leave me?

Signed,
Worried in NY

Dear Worried in NY:

I doubt it. He wants to move back into the White House as much as you do.

Tip o' the Goo to IE!