The Future Leader of New Amsterdam

John McCain wants to set up a missile defense system in Czechoslovakia, which doesn't exactly, um, exist anymore. But don't let that stop us! While we're at it, we could also re-establish diplomatic ties with Yugoslavia, the USSR, and the Smurf Village, which could definitely use some diplomacy to sort out that whole north/south-noun/verb issue while we're at it. McCain could pass for Papa Smurf very easily.

Perhaps free trade agreements with Rhodesia, Wallachia, or the Crown of Aragon? Oooooh, my Bohemian ancestors - who, ironically, came to this country and became staunch suburbanite conservatives - would be pretty excited at the possibility of an international shout out, too!

Meanwhile, back to the Mesopotamian Liberation... As moral and just humans, in the name of democracy, the US must return stability to Babylonia and Byzantium!