Uranus Conjunction, What's Your Function

I'm trying to avoid any prognostications and planning on laying low tonight. You see, shit is going DOWN in the universe, and given the summer, I'm not one to fuck around with all that cosmic detritus unleashing. Today is the autumnal equinox. On top of that, Uranus (ha, on top of Uranus) will line up with Jupiter and the harvest moon, causing the Google sky map on my phone to freak out.

Astrologers apparently call the phenomenon the Great Uranus-Jupiter Conjunction, which sounds like Schoolhouse Rock Porn. But it's supposed to mean great changes for the globe and for people undergoing major life changes. Uhhhh, thanks but no thanks? I think I'm good without the stars aligning against me.

Of biggest note, though, is that today marks DCHenge, when the rising and setting sun lines up perfectly with the cross streets. Happily, today is also World Carfree Day, so DC's already cripplingly bad drivers won't face another handicap in their effort to mow me down. Still, you have to wonder if Moscow has gotten a handle on how the whole carfree thing works. Or the rest of Europe. Siiiigh.

Is it too much to hope that the Great Uranus-Jupiter Conjunction (hee) will destroy DC traffic?