Friday, April 07, 2006

New Feature! New Feature!

The Dame of Poofygoo, Diane Rhem1 inspired the newest segment on Poofygoo, The Goo Report. We all know that the news we read is very rarely relevant to our daily lives. But I am to bring you the finest news stories that are not only irrelevant, but also inane.

This week:
Pillows really do matter. So to all of you who mock me for having the same pillow I've had my whole life, Now I can tell you, "Hey. Cleopatra understoof the importance of proper pillow phlumfage3."

Geese have finally had enough of the bad reputation they get from the game "Duck, duck, goose." Denizens of Minnesota should be safe; however, I still reserve the right to point and laugh at you, since "duck, duck, grey duck" is an even stupider game.

A possible case of sibling rivalry gone awry? You be the judge. I don't think the parents have any grounds for a lawsuit, since that kid looks so damn happy. I would totally pick him over the pink unicorn.

Turtle hoarding - yep, you heard me. You've heard about cat hoarding, which is pretty creepy, but turtle hoarding? Well, you know what Raul Hernandez says: "Turtles are nature's suction cups." Maybe he just has a lot of stuff to hang up.

Fresh from the U.K., here's a ticket policy that's almost as douchey as 9:30 club's ticket policy. Oh, and the whole thing is LEGAL.

I dug this one up from the Poofygoo Department of DUH: Why do cats scratch? You know what? I'm going to become a scientist so that people will give me heaps of money to tell you what you already knew.
Kitty would like to add that cats scratch because they want you to put them the fuck down, dammit. Why do cats have such potty mouths? I thought dogs were the ones drinking from the toilet.

Another reason I won't be having a baby. Ever.

1. Who probably does not realize the honor I've bestowed on her. I love Diane Rehm, not because she overcame adversity (the reason her voice sounds like that is that she has a spasmo larynx), but that she's not afraid to give ANYONE a verbal enema.

2. Made you look. Do you think academics are ever tempted to do that with their footnotes?

3. You know the word phlumfage, you just haven't heard it before. It's the correct ratio of fluff to plump in a pillow, which is essential to a good night's sleep. Other items essential to a good night's sleep: about six other pillows properly phlumfed and a kitty. That's what I find to be the hardest part about camping- wild cats are just not nearly as cuddly.


Blogger Ness said...

Where is the pink Unicorn that, BTW, I would NEVER pay out on, even though I cannot actually see the thing...

6:48 PM  
Blogger Karinanne said...

duck, duck, grey duck. it makes me laugh just to say it. those minnesotans just HAD to be different!

9:01 AM  

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