Lan-don Sad

Which was the highlight of last night's DC United VICTORY against DAVID BECKHAM and L.A. Galaxy?

• Troy Perkins' amazing balls-out save, crushing the hopes and dreams of Tarzan Lan-don Donovan (making the whole thing that much sweeter). "Beckham's downfield pass to Landon Donovan in the 83rd minute... probably would have resulted in an equalizer if not for a brave tackle by D.C. goalkeeper Troy Perkins." By the way, certain people think that Perkins keeps coming too far out of the box and that he's missing some important saves, but those people are wrong. This is the hallmark of Perkins and why he was last year's goalie of the year: he's fine-tuning a balance between knowing when to step it up when his defense isn't supporting him and knowing how to rally that defense to do the work for him. Seriously, I pledge allegiance to the Red and Black and the United States of Troy Perkins, who knows exactly what he's doing.
  
• Marc Burch stepping up with the assist to Emilio, who scored the only goal of the evening. Marc Burch- who knew?
  
• The five seconds that David Beckham was half-nekkid in between having taken off his warm-up jersey and before he put on his game jersey. Delicious!
  
• The sourpuss look on Tarzan Landon Donovan's face that sulked all night, "Lan-don hate David Beckham because Becks famous-er than Lan-don, and that makes Lan-don sad. And Lan-don just realized trophy wife not pretty." That's ok, Lan-don, Posh looks like a mutant, too.
  
• Hearing Beckham speak post-game- "Those were the biggest raindrops I've ever seen!" (despite the fact that I come from England, where this is the norm) and then hearing Ben Olsen (who puts little cartoon hearts and stars in my eyes whenever I think of him) speak post-game. Somebody's smarter!
  
• That Beckham has more security than the president- because if W. dies, that would be, um, something, but if Beckham dies, we lose a priceless work of art. I just don't understand why Ben Olsen doesn't have even more security than the both of them, because if Ben Olsen dies, we lose a national treasure.
  
• Fred. FRED!!!!!!!!
  
• Who just really, really wants to see Kpene score? I kinda love that kid.
  
• That almost 46,686 people and countless viewers all over the world know that DC United is the team that shut down L.A. Galaxy in Beckham's debut. It's not just a victory for morale, it's a moral victory.

DC UNITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!