Gay? A Catholic Priest? C'mon, Put Some Effort Into It.

Busy day for Mark Foley.

So we all know he tried really hard to be a child molester, right?

Moving on. In TOTALLY, completely unrelated news:

Mark Foley is an alcoholic. Well, a closet drinker. Translation? "When a spokesperson says 'closet drinker,' he or she means 'occasional social drinker without a problem.'"

Mark Foley was molested by a clergyman.

Mark Foley's Roman Catholic, natch.

Oh, and according to his publicist attorney, David Roth, “Mark Foley wants you to know he is a gay man.”


In tomorrow's news:

Mark Foley secretly was a victim of Hurricane Katrina.

Mark Foley secretly was born in Auschwitz.

Mark Foley secretly invented kittens and puppies.

And if THOSE don't work,

Mark Foley secretly is a Democrat. The Republicans have actually never seen him before in their lives. Seriously.