Wednesday, November 22, 2006

The Handicapable Adventure Continues

People have no middle ground when it comes to the crutches, nor can they ignore them. Everyone feels compelled to comment. Real life experiences of yesterday show this can go one of two ways:

Scenario 1: On The Way To Work
I sit down in the seats reserved on the bus for people with seniority and people with handicapability. Bus fills up, all seats are taken, smooshy-standing room only. I hug my crutches and smile, knowing I have a full seven minutes of seated, cramped bliss before I have to get up and hobble accross the unevenly paved sidewalks again. The four blocks from the bus stop to my office have been my Gethsemane of late, but that's about to change: Crotchety Old Guy gets on the bus.

"Y'all need to tighten up back there! Make some room! Tighten it up back there, there's planty of room on this bus for all of us!"

Crotchety Old Guy sees me and asks for my seat- maybe he doesn't see the crutches? When I point to them and say I'd rather sit, he snaps back, "You're young, you can handle it! I've been in constant pain every day for the last thirty years!" Older dude sitting next to me offers Crotchety Old Guy a seat. "No thank you, son. I just am tired of seeing these young 'uns1 gettin' away with sittin' in the old folkses' chairs. Rabble rabble rabble rabb..." He's starting to sound like John Lydon, so I drown him out with Post Plethoric Rhetoric.

Scnario 2: On The Way Home From Work:
Midway through block number two of my four block hell, a younger guy with impossibly large gauged2 ears stops me. He busts out a ten dollar bill.

"Take a cab home today."

Fuck. Yeah.

The Question of the Day: How can I jerryrig an umbrella to the crutches? I think know I need some minions.

1Yeah, he actually said young 'uns. Almost better than utes.

2Seriously, this guy must be the inspiration for the song "Do Your Ears Hang Low?" I used to think that was about Henry Kissinger. I'm not sure why.


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