How to Help Congress

If you've ever seen any movie about Congress ever, then you know that Congress used to use nice pitchers of water to quaff their thirst. At some point in the recent past, they switched over to bottled water. This is really just a shame. I mean yeah, they spent $190,000 on the bottles of water and yeah, it’s bad for the environment. But what really upsets is the lack of creativity that bottled water presents. I mean, no one pauses for dramatic effect while they take a swig out of their plastic bottle of water. Unscrewing a stupid little cap is not nearly as dramatic as the tension created from the pregnant pause while a Congressman hoists the pitcher to the glass, commanding presence as the water trickles into the cup.

What’s more, those petite little water balloon sized bottles seem so much sillier to be clandestinely swigging booze from, which, I assume that at any given moment, 398 members of Congress are doing.

So if we’ve taken all the drama out of Congress’ water, might as well make them look as ridiculous as possible. That’s why I support the campaign to buy your Congressperson a water bottle. Good Politics has some handy suggestions and a tool to look up your Congressperson. I’d like to get a hot pink one for the Inimitable and Honorable Congresswoman Eleanor Holmes Norton that says “My vote might not count but I could still kick your ass.”