Friday, March 17, 2006


Ok, I have to clear a few things up.

1. It's NOT St. Patty's Day. Patty is a GIRL'S name. St Patrick was a BOY. It's St. Paddy's Day. And don't get all pedantic and tell me they're pronounced the same, so it doesn't matter. If you can get all willy nilly with letters on holidays, then Santa really is just Satan, and Rudolph is Adloph. The next thing you know you're heiling in hell. Please, I beg of you, use discretion on this holiday!

2. Neither corned beef nor cabbage are tasty, and now the elevator at my work smells like my climbing shoes. Seriously. How can people get sooooooo upset at the stank emanating from my climbing shoes, but then go eat something that has roughly the taste, texture and smell? It just doesn't add up. Either people have to stop eating corned beef and cabbage, or else they need to stop bitching about the smell of my shoes and refusing to belay me.

3. It is appropriate to bring a flask of whiskey to work on St. Patrick's Day. It is NOT acceptable to bring bourbon. You know who you are.

4. Irish Step Dancers don't keep their hands at their sides becuase they're trying to keep their skirts from flying up and showing their lack of underwear, or because they're sexless tools, or any of that blarney. At one point, arm motion was a part of step dancing. However, during Oliver Cromwell's reign of terror against the Irish and the Royalists, all manifestations of Irish culture were seen as savage and outlawed. This of course, included dancing. The Irish are a hardy people, though, they weren't just gonna give up their culture, especially not for that douchebag Cromwell. So dancing took place inside homes, and dancers kept their arms at their sides so that the British soldiers passing by wouldn't see that they were actually dancing. Tricky, no? I'm sure the British were so disdainful of the Irish that they thought the bouncing around was simply what you did when you were a lesser life-form. When the occupation ended, the tradition continued as a symbol of Irish perseverance and crafty rebellion. So next time you think about those step dancers, remember how punk rock it is that their hands are at their sides.

I can't tell you what's up with the ridiculous curly hair, though. You're on your own for that.

Ok, we're clear. Go drink like you're Ted Kennedy on a Monday morning.


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