Monday, May 01, 2006

Goo Awareness Day

Happy May Everyone!

May Day heralds the most important holiday of the year: my birthday. After a hard year's work of being me, I get to kick back and let everyone make a fuss over the lovely light that I have brought to the world merely by existing in it.

Most of the world has gotten on the May Day bandwagon. For centuries, the world has been preparing to celebrate the event of my birth by marking it ceremoniously:

In 1786 A.D./194 P.G. (pre-Goo) Mozart premiered my favorite opera, The Marriage of Figaro, which generally mocked the aristocracy and the institution of marriage. My other favorite opera, Turandot was not premiered on this date.

In 1834 A.D./146 P.G., the British Empire abolished slavery.

In 1884 A.D./96 P.G., American workers demanded their right to an eight hour workday, where it would be legal to surf the interweb at work.

In 1893 A.D./87 P.G. , the Colombian World's Exposition opened in Chicago The ferris wheel was invented for it! If you haven't read Eric Larson's Devil in the White City, you need to go out and buy it now. It's the best pop history narrative I've seen in years.

1894- Coxey's Army marches on Washington, the first significant American Protest March in Washington D.C. Civil rights yeah!

1930 - The "planet" Pluto is officially named.

1931 - The Empire State Building is dedicated in New York City.

1941 - Citizen Kane premieres in New York CIty.

1948 - The Democratic People's Republic of Korea (North Korea) is established, with Kim Il Sung as president. Have you noticed that the more oppressive a regime is, the more its leaders will try and throw in some "Our People Love It!" words in the name? I think the bad Congo is now officially called the Super Happy Seriously, We Mean Democracy Republic Of the Democracy of Happy Congolese.

1950 - Guam is organized as a United States commonwealth. Major Resource: Land for U.S. Military Strategy. Major Imports: Soldiers looking for poontang. Ewwww.

1956 - The polio vaccine developed by Jonas Salk is made available to the public. Fortunately, Johnny Depp showed us all that it's ok to shed one tear when receiving the polio vaccine.

1971: Amtrak is dedicated.

1978 - The first unsolicited bulk commerical email (a.k.a. SPAM) was sent by a DEC marketing representative to every ARPANET address on the west coast of the United States.

As you can all see, centuries of culture and society were preparing for the monumentous occasion of my birth. I will celebrate by throwing darts. Yeah!


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