Friday, June 23, 2006

Goo Report: The Salty and Crunchy Edition

My new favorite phrase is "These are salty and crunchy!" Last week, I went to a party hosted by the family of a friend. As is wont to happen after a few drinks at such events, famillial squabbling broke out. One member of the family looked sharply at me, the only non-family member present, and asked my opinion on the subject in question, as though he expected me to land the decisive blow on his side. I have a firm policy of not getting involved in familial entanglements, and so sat there with a blank look on my face, wracking my alcohol-addled brain for some way of finagling out of an answer.

"Are these those lime Tostidos?" I asked.

My incredibly gracious hosts rescued me. "They are; aren't they fabulous?!" the hostess quickly jumped in. Her husband picked up a chip, looking at it incredulously. He took a bite and proclaimed in amazement, "these are salty and crunchy!" That is what the French mean by politesse.

It's Friday; onto the the Goo Report!

Woman finds bear in her house, eating oatmeal. Bear pleads not guilty to breaking and entering, saying in his defense "She made it just right! How come Godlilocks got away with it? My ursine people will not let this rest until the double standard is erased and justice is served. "

I guess we're not so much winning the war on terror... Fortunately, it looks like the terrorists aren't really trying that hard.

Man sends tarantula to colleague- he didn't even use interoffice mail!

More panda cuteness... if only they stayed little!

Whoa. Here's a decent reason to have kids... still not compelling enough for me, though.

Maybe these parents nicked money from their kids' piggy banks to pay for their pot.

This story profoundly saddens me, but also makes me wonder how big the puppy was, and if the woman really expected to do any damage? Also, I'm a little sad that the focus of the story is on the crazy woman, not the shitty breeder.

Here's a story that needs to be made into an episode of Law & Order.

As if it weren't hard enough to get a prom date...

IFor the last several weeks, lamenting how few animals in funny costumes there are on the interwebs. Sure, you've got Bee Dogs, the premier online repository for pictures of dogs in bee costumes, but where are the inguanas dressed up like ex-presidents? Well, turns out, you don't actually need a costumes to enjoy dress-up playtime with kitty. By the way, note the expressions of distate on each cat's face- sheer hatred of owners whose only good judgement was getting a cat. Poor kitties. I think a Comrade Kitties calendar, with kitties dressed up like little peasants, toiling in the litter mines of the Gulag would be so much better.


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