Friday, October 20, 2006

The Goo Report

This kid is TOTALLY going to be grounded.

Well, someone's got to put the war in terms the goth kids can understand, thereby garnering their votes. Genius, that Santorum. GEENEEUS.

OK, for all you peoples out there who bitched about the inappropriateness of the Dingo Snax baby moniker, I give you Baby Turkey.

Has anyone else noticed that the quality of the Goo has gone downhill markedly since Google bought YouTube? Phew, that's a relief.

"The Pennsylvania Game Commission asks anyone who has seen a deer with a pumpkin head to call 1-814-643-1831."

During a brief period in the 80's, killing someone over gum was totally acceptable. Then the times changed. That's why you don't see Tidal Wave gum anymore.

I don't understand why authorities are warning people. Shouldn't someone get an APB out to the animals?

See, while PETA protests the contest (which we reported on a few weeks ago, and I'm too lazy to look up the link. Oh fine; it was this story), what they don't realize is that without half-masticated funnel cakes and roller coaster induced vomit, these cockroaches would have no quality of life at all.

Headline of the week year: "Trail of beer, clothes leads to beer truck bandit"

2 Comments:

Anonymous Chris Chan said...

First of all, Lord of the Rings is NOT, I repeat NOT just for goths, but also for people like me who like to see literature treat religion, philosophy, and politics, in a sane, sensible, and coherent manner. Secondly, for a clearer take on the situation, check out Sean P. Dailey's (my editor at Gilbert Magazine) take on this comparison, recently posted on Mark Shea's blog Catholic and Enjoying It! (http://markshea.blogspot.com/). Also, check out Stephen Colbert's YouTube clip, posted at 11:22 A.M. on Shea's site today that also provides required viewing regarding this analogy. Anyway, Sean Dailey writes:

"At least Santorum likes good literature! Sadly, he probably also thinks LOTR is a metaphor for World War II. Tolkien is rolling in his grave. I'm not going to speak for him, but here is my take (which admittedly pales compared to Colbert's):

Dubya is not brave Frodo trudging up the slopes of Mount Doom (with trusty sidekick Carl "Rove" Gamgee at his side, which is where a sidekick should be). No, he's more like Denethor gazing into his palantir and seeing hoards of enemies. But instead of succumbing to despair, he instead concludes that he's got to spend thousands of lives and untold amounts of treasure in a vain attempt to either kill those enemies or convert them to good little democracy lovers.

Dubya isn't taking the ring to Mount Doom to destroy it. The Denethor analogy continues: he's got it, and by gum he's going to use it! w00t! Dubya's ring is the War on Terror! If we just use the War on Terror for good, we can save the world! We can take democracy to all the benighted terrorists of the earth, we will have World Peace! More Free Trade! A backyard bar-b-q in every mud shack!

Sadly, Dubya-Denethor has forgotten that all attempts to use the ring are frought with peril. The ring corrupts all who try to use it, and it especially corrupts those who think they can use it for good. Before you know it, even torture looks like a necessary -- regretably tough, but necessary -- weapon in the War on Terror.

Santorum is Wormtongue, selling out the pro-life movement for the sake of the Grand Old Party, headquartered in Orthanc. Memo to Santorum: read the goramn book again, this time with Tolkien's Letters as a reference guide."

This ought to explain everything.

6:19 PM  
Anonymous Chris Chan said...

First of all, Lord of the Rings is NOT, I repeat NOT just for goths, but also for people like me who like to see literature treat religion, philosophy, and politics, in a sane, sensible, and coherent manner. Secondly, for a clearer take on the situation, check out Sean P. Dailey's (my editor at Gilbert Magazine) take on this comparison, recently posted on Mark Shea's blog Catholic and Enjoying It! (http://markshea.blogspot.com/). Also, check out Stephen Colbert's YouTube clip, posted at 11:22 A.M. on Shea's site today that also provides required viewing regarding this analogy. Anyway, Sean Dailey writes:

"At least Santorum likes good literature! Sadly, he probably also thinks LOTR is a metaphor for World War II. Tolkien is rolling in his grave. I'm not going to speak for him, but here is my take (which admittedly pales compared to Colbert's):

Dubya is not brave Frodo trudging up the slopes of Mount Doom (with trusty sidekick Carl "Rove" Gamgee at his side, which is where a sidekick should be). No, he's more like Denethor gazing into his palantir and seeing hoards of enemies. But instead of succumbing to despair, he instead concludes that he's got to spend thousands of lives and untold amounts of treasure in a vain attempt to either kill those enemies or convert them to good little democracy lovers.

Dubya isn't taking the ring to Mount Doom to destroy it. The Denethor analogy continues: he's got it, and by gum he's going to use it! w00t! Dubya's ring is the War on Terror! If we just use the War on Terror for good, we can save the world! We can take democracy to all the benighted terrorists of the earth, we will have World Peace! More Free Trade! A backyard bar-b-q in every mud shack!

Sadly, Dubya-Denethor has forgotten that all attempts to use the ring are frought with peril. The ring corrupts all who try to use it, and it especially corrupts those who think they can use it for good. Before you know it, even torture looks like a necessary -- regretably tough, but necessary -- weapon in the War on Terror.

Santorum is Wormtongue, selling out the pro-life movement for the sake of the Grand Old Party, headquartered in Orthanc. Memo to Santorum: read the goramn book again, this time with Tolkien's Letters as a reference guide."

This ought to explain everything.

6:19 PM  

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