Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Oh, And Of Course Ted Kennedy Passed Out

In their coverage of the speechifying last night, the Post busted out this headline:

Bush Urges Congress, Nation To Give His Iraq Plan a Chance

Yes, that's right, the president wants you to give war a chance. That's a lot catchier than John Lennon's version, isn't it?

My favorite parts of the speech:
  • "Madam Speaker": defs got little goosebumps. I loved the bipartisan green suit; and her disdainful look was withering; it was all I could do not to go sit in the corner in a time-out every time she busted that out.
  • Cheney: purple tie- shoutout to Mary Cheney? He was not ok with the whole "you can conserve" theme. I think I saw him actually kill Ed Markey using only his eyes at one point.
  • Wait a minute: tax cuts for people who don't pay taxes? How does that work? Can we divide by zero now?
  • The special guests: No dogs? Lame. I couldn't decide who I liked more: the Baby Einstein lady with teeth that were waaaaaaay to white for this town, or the New York City Subway hero who milked his 15 minutes of fame into 30 (blowing kisses! He was blowing kisses!!!!) The Army Sergeant was a little too classy and gracefully modest for my taste.
  • Wait a minute- did he just say global climate change is a problem? Well that's kinda cool.
  • The best part of the dems coming to power? We are finally over our only red and/or blue tie phase. Sigh, I can't wait for the diversity on Congress to be more than just the dude's ties.
  • The rebuttal: Jim Webb, The Boring Maverick! I would have paid more attention to the speech had he been wearing a coonskin cap instead of that hairpeice.

In watching the speech, a very clear solution presented itself; one that I'm shocked the Iraq Study Group didn't recommend. As a nation, The U.S. must devote all of its resources, time, energy, and best and brightest minds to developing a time machine. Bush wouldn't have to ask the federal government to balance the budget that he unbalanced; he wouldn't have to call for support for Vietnam: The Middle East Edition, and what with Al Gore being the president, not only would we not be so worried about global warming, we'd get a lot more sleep at night. There's something to be said for a boring president.


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