Wednesday, March 21, 2007

The People's Mayor- but What About the People's Feet?

Wooohoo, thanks to the many many readers who rose up against the Disco Mafia to defend my honor at Best DC Blogs. We have an interesting week ahead of us, as I try and figure out some rhyme and/or reason to this whole contest business. I'll keep you all posted.

In the meantime, I realized I completely forgot to tell you about my St. Paddy's Day excitement.


I know, I KNOW! You find that hard to believe insofar as no one has ever actually met him before. But Meghan decided that she desperately needed new trainers and she needed them right then. We rolled over to Fleet Feet on Columbia Road, natch. Standing outside the door were two suited and burly men, wearing brown trenchcoats and sunglasses, despite the fact that it was 7 p.m. They hovered in front of the door looking us up and down. I thought they were just obnoxious lecherers until I saw the earpiece in one of the gentleman's ears. After assessing us for a few moments, they held the door open and silently nodded us in.

And there he was, in all his mayorial glory. Except that he didn't look all mayorly; he looked like a boy talking to his mom (who owns Fleet Feet). Meghan and I walked past him and I gave a nod and said, "Hey, Mayor, what's up?" He did a bit of a double take, as though his secret identity had been unmasked, then made a palpable shift from finagling-with-mom mode to I'm-looking-forward-to-your-vote mode. Our conversation went a little something like this:

Mayor: Well, hello ladies! [introductions all around]
Meghan: Mayor, are you going to fit me for my new sneakers?
Mayor: I actually have an event I'm running off to.
Goo: But this is a city event; one of your constituents needs new sneakers fitted!
Mayor: I'm sure my mother and brother can help you out.
Meghan:Yes, but were they elected to the position of cobbler? We want this to be a democracy, you know.
Mayor: Ladies, it was wonderful to meet you. I'm leaving you in the capable hands of my family.

The mayor hurried out the door faster than necessary.

Meghan turned to the other people in the store, proclaiming, "You heard the Mayor, we need a fifty-point plan for the fitting of my shoes!" I chimed in, "What I want to know is what is your plan for the first 100 days of Meghan's shoes?"And in a one of the more brilliant moments in the history of obnoxiousness, we cried in unison, "We demand answers and action!"

A Salesperson Fenty had already been standing there, ready to serve us while doing a really good job of looking like he hadn't heard this same joke 10,000 times already. "Hi Ladies, what were you looking for?" Meghan replied, "Actually, I just want the same model of shoes that I'm wearing. The same color would be nice if you have it. "

I've never seen a person practice so much self-restraint as when this salesman did not roll his eyes right out of his head.

Impressions of the Mayor: Tall. With better things to do than sit around and put shoes on peoples' feets. When I recounted this story to the Object, he almost spit out his coffee. You know why? Because he was really, really upset that I didn't address the Mayor as Mister Mayor. He said it would be like walking up to the Pontiff and saying, "Pope! Dude, what's up?!" He almost cried when I admitted that's probably what I'd say in such a situation.


Anonymous Meghan Shaw said...

I just want to record to show that I never said anything resembling "Yes, but were they elected to the position of cobbler? We want this to be a democracy, you know." Nor did I "demand action", even though I did crack the 50 point plan joke. Also, what's so obnoxious about wanting the same shoes in the same color. I thought I was making easy work for the Fleet Feet personnel.

11:37 AM  
Blogger rock_ninja said...

It wasn't that it was so obnoxious, it was that we were pretending to be obnoxious and then after all that, you had a really simple and easy shoe-fullfilment request. We said something along the lines that he should personally fit your shoes. Maybe I said the thing about electing him to fit shoes?

What can I say, I Alberto Gonzales things sometimes! Don't we all? Am I going to be forced to resign?

11:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

tall? nope, you are short. i've met him a few times and found him to be little and gaunt. and i'm not tall.

11:42 AM  
Blogger rock_ninja said...

IDO find a surprising number of people to be much taller than I.

Possibly, this is because most people do tower over me.

But Fenty definitely did seem very tall. And yes, definitely thin almost to the point of gaunt. But not Skeletor or Michael Chertoff-gaunt.

11:49 AM  

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