It's been a while since we've had the Goo Report, but between Gonzo Gonzales, Michael "I Am A Worthless Sack of Dogshit, Which Is Why I Kill Puppies" Vick, the second-year anniversary of
the Executive Branch admitting it couldn't give a rat's ass about poor and/or black people Hurricane Katrina, and Josh Gros' concussion, you might have missed some of the news that isn't. Allow me to help.
- "A man who stabbed his friend and dropped a rock on his head asked him if he was dead yet and got the response 'not even close brother', a court was told." Hey, at least he had his buddy's back.
- Sadistic pufferfish convinces restauranteur to pass it off as salmon, killing 15. Never trust a fish; it'll kill you the first chance it gets, even if it has to die to do it. (Guess who's still having residual huzzes from the Outer Banks?)
- You know what's a dubious honor? Becoming the world's oldest person. Cuz really, how long do you really get to enjoy that for? Also, someone has to die for you to get it, which kinda sucks, too.
- And yet, being old certainly doesn't prevent one from leading a full life.
- It looks like I'm not the only one who needed to mandate a no surfing the iPod or texting while driving rule.
- As long as we're talking iStuff, props to the kid who freed the iPhone. How you know he's young? He sold his doctored iPhones (you know, the ones that considerably hepped up the Apple market share) for a Nissan. I guess there's something to be said for humility. I'm just not sure what.
- I'll leave you today on an adorable note. You thought those scrubbing bubbles were cute? Check it: "Four tiny orphaned hedgehogs are snuggling up to the bristles of a cleaning brush - because they think it's their mother."