Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Rain Rain, Stick Around, Just Until My Sorrows Drown

I woke up ungodly early this morning, unable to sleep. and in my bleary state, it took me a moment to identify the sound that woke me up.

Oh, how I've missed the rain.

The DC area is in the midst of some record-setting weird weather. We've had crazy 90 degree days with rains few and far between- the paltry quarter-inch we received last week barely covered the ground- and that was the first rain in 34 days.

Whatwith all the sunshine, it's hard out there for us tricky secret introverts. My bones have been craving a day to curl up with a book and Kitty, or a walk through puddles with the cuffs of my pants rolled up, juggling my iPod and umbrella, trying to pick the right music to set my mood. What's the point of a new Radiohead album if you can't listen to in some gloomy weather?

And oh, how I've been missing the opportunity to really nurse a gripe. Nothing too serious, just a time to feel some quiet malaise and secretly despise something petty. When the sun is shining and the grass waving, the peoples just want to talk about the lovely weather and exchange pleasantries. I guess it's nice for a bit, but after a while all the bright-eyed, bushy-tailed go-getters start to seem really oppressive and I sink into a glower that would make Wednesday Addams cringe.

But now the rain is here, and the peoples want to bitch, bitch, bitch.


So for your pleasure, two pet peeves that are positively thriving: one old, one new, both chafing on the insides of my skull and creating a paste of skull dust and brain juice that I can't wait to schmear onto others:

Commercials with music that is completely incongruous to what is actually being marketed. EXAMPLES:
  • ELO- Hold on Tight to Your Dream, heard in an Honda commercial. Really? A Honda? That's your deepest desire? Not a Lotus or a Lamborghini? You couldn't even make the stretch to the Acura?
  • John Lennon - Imagine, heard every Christmas in the MasterCard commercial. "Imagine no possessions/ I wonder if you can..." You probably can't, though, so just buy some shit you can't afford. While you're out, get some earplugs to muffle the sound of John Lennon tossing and turning in his grave.
  • There's a commercial for some cruise ship that plays Iggy Pop's Lust for Life: "Here comes Johnny Yen again/With the liquor and drugs/And the flesh machine/He's gonna do another striptease" The Object has been coerced into some destination wedding cruise business in a few months. I was told I shouldn't bother coming, insofar as it would be a waste of money for something that wouldn't really interest me. I think I get it now.
Mismatching camouflage. I've always hated the camouflage-as-fashion look; it seems to say, "look at me; you can't see me!" and imply some vague connection to the military, ergo badassery. If you want to be a badass, go serve four extended tours in Iraq, delay your wedding, miss out on seeing your first child born, just so you can get shot at in a war that doesn't make a whole lot of sense1. But even then, camouflage isn't always the best idea.
I used to think pink camouflage was the worst- what do you do in Barbie's special ops, combat counterfeit lipgloss? Blergh. But lately I've been seeing people wear one kind of camouflage on top of a slightly different kind of camouflage. Are you hiding in the trying to sink someone's battleship, fight C.O.B.R.A., or do you expect to come under heavy fire from guerrillas in gumdrop mountains? Make up your mind.

Now it's time for a warm cup of thick winter squash stew, which, conveniently happens to be the plan for the evening.

I hope this rain stays for a little while.

1.Shout out to my brother, who just got his tour extended by four months. I am not a badass.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

john lennon had a closet full of fur coats. that song only makes me cringe. i love when millionaires lecture me about giving up possessions. notice that several cover versions change the "i wonder if you can" line to say "i wonder if we can."

- dbh

5:19 PM  
Blogger The Goo said...

Serious? Kind of makes the PETA peoples look all ridiculous, too, but that's shooting monkeys in a barrel.

You've got a point, and yeah, the song is cringy (not to mention boooooooooooorinh); having millionaires lecture on giving up possessions is like hearing Thoreau lecture on self-reliance when he took his laundry home to mommy every weekend.

5:31 PM  
Anonymous Chris Chan said...

Check out this essay by Mark Shea:

He expresses my feelings about the song much better than I can.

On a totally unrelated note, I hope that your brother comes home safe and sound.

11:08 AM  
Blogger Jason said...

regarding pink camofalge.. actually a grey/pink combo is best for warships... just what navy in the world is going to put there sailors who don't see women for months at a time and have enough jokes about it already in a pink boat?

3:37 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home