Friday, October 12, 2007

The Goo Report: I Haz Hard Week. Hallmrk Mmts Plz.


Shortened week. Long week.

Good week. Hard week.

Nothing left except a list of the things that make me happy:
    • Al Gore. FUCK YEAH. No, seriously, FUCK YEAH.
    • And you will know us by the trail of our lemon squares: UNITARIAN JIHAD! "There is only God, unless there is more than one God. The vote of our God subcommittee is 10-8 in favor of one God, with two abstentions. Brother Flaming Sword of Moderation noted the possibility of there being no God at all, and his objection was noted with love by the secretary."
    • Hemoglobin levels. Maybe science is like Spanish, and if you hang around it long enough, you just pick it up. I got a call from one of the people I'm partnering with to start programs for hematology teaching and training in developing countries. She said she got an email from a doctor at the institution there, and that he made an apparent joke about hemoglobin levels being normal at 3. I got the joke.
    • To think that this entire time, I've been flushing the toilet all by me lonesome self. Chump!
    • As long as we're talking about feeling like a chump because of a deficit of robot assistance, bah! I just got a lousy wobble board from my physical therapist.
    • "Cats love cat trees. Cat trees are ghastly. So it is a simple but profound — maybe even existential — dilemma that has dogged kitty lovers for ages: Happy pet or stylish pad?" I hate walking into a house and immediately knowing pets /children and rule the roost. The smell, the special furniture (actually, I'm ok with kids' toys, so long as I can play with them) ugh. Finally, some design options. If only someone could tell me how to get kitty to stop barfing, start playing with toys, not mope, and not scratch the Object's rug, we'd be good to go.
    • In futbol:Celtic makes sweet goal cuz Milan goalie fucks up. Hilarity ensues when crazy Celtic fan runs onto field. Milan goalie Dida has painfully delayed reaction, must be taken off the field in a litter. Celtic gets fined $25,000 (teams are responsible for their fans, which makes sense- fans won't want to do anything to hurt the team), Dida gets two game suspension for being a whining, diving brat. Justice served.


Anonymous Chris Chan said...

I would be willing to bet a reasonably small amount of money that tonight Jay Leno or Conan O'Brien (probably Leno)does a joke like this, almost word for word as how I write it:

LENO OR CONAN (PROBABLY LENO): And congratulations to Al Gore, today he won the Nobel Peace Prize. (Pause while audience claps.) Actually, he thought he won, but then the Supreme Court stepped in and gave the Prize to George W. Bush.

On a side note, I have GOT to get one of those robots for my bathroom. Except for the fact that elementary chaos theory proves that all robots will eventually go crazy and kill their masters. Oh well...

2:40 PM  
Blogger The Goo said...

A. I just almost wet my pants laughing. I am going to tell that joke at every gathering this weekend.

2. Robots ruling the world: bad. LEGO Robots ruling the world- not so bad. Especially if they could get some of those Beast War Legos ruling the world. I could be their pet. I wouldn't mind having the tables turned and being completely mollycoddled for a while. I would be willing to eat kibble if my life consisted of all the toys I could think of, having someone clean up my puke and poop, and my only responsibility were to be available for petting.

2:54 PM  
Blogger The Goo said...

The Object will be claiming the joke for his own as well. We are actually trying to work out who will get ownership of it at which functions.

These conversations are why I don't read as much anymore.

6:12 PM  
Anonymous Chris Chan said...

If you need me to write any more dialogue for you or the Object, please let me know. I can do more that jokes, you know. I can do sarcasm, complements, eulogies... you name it.

12:26 AM  

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