Thursday, January 17, 2008

It's Gloppling Out

The Object and I have fundamental differences when it comes to vocabulary. For example, last night, a woman with the name "Brie" was featured on some t.v. show. I asked the Object who in her right mind would name a child after cheese. It's like saying all this child will have to offer the world will be to taste especially delicious with jalapeƱo jam and puff pastry.

"I love that name!" he exclaimed.

Blink. Blink. Mouth agape. "You're serious?"

"Yeah, Brie, Brianna? It's so pretty!" He then countered, "You're not one to talk; you have the worst taste in girls' names in the world. This is why we can never have children."

That's fair. It deeply saddens me that there are a host of names out there that would be lovely girls' names, but instead are afflictions - and in a cruel twist of ironic fate, often affe women. Consider just a few of my favorites:
  • Angina
  • Thalassemia
  • Chlamydia
  • Gonorrhea
  • Aubergine1.
And that's just the start of our lexicographical differences. But today, the Object has created a word I can countenance. Today in DC we're having a rare bout of wintry weather. For a little while this morning, snow - or what the locals refer to as "white flakes of death" - were falling from the sky. But it's settled into a dismal spew of what refers to as a "wintry mix". Not snow, rain, hail, slush, or sleet, it's a category unto itself. The Object would like to make a move to officially refer to this kind of precipitation as "glopple". It's perfect, like the word was always there and he just discovered it, like finding the pyramids or something. It's such a lovely word it might even make a very distinguished name for a little boy.

1. True, not a disease, but would be such a pretty name.


Anonymous Chris Chan said...

"Seborrhea" would also be a charming name for a girl.

11:26 PM  

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