Friday, July 07, 2006

The Goo Report

Hey, welcome all you kids who are coming here from DCist. Every week on Poofygoo, we have the Goo Report, a roundup of all the best news stories that we think should have been on the front pages.

The Stick turns one on Sunday! I was worried that age would diminish his cuteness, as it seems to be doing to me, but as you can see from the photo, so far so good for His Sticky Goodness!

Lede of the week: Four pelicans were being detained in an animal drunk tank Friday on suspicion of public intoxication, authorities said.

Consultants hack into FBI database of Witness Protection Program- not to expose national security, but really just for shits and giggles.

Band refuses to play for stinky, germy fans

My favorite birthday wish for the president is that of Donald Rumsfeld- "I don't want to 'torture' you about turning 60. America doesn't do that."

Genius: No one ever thinks to consider toilet paper as anything but innocuous.

Federal Judge isn't too thrilled about a cell phone ringing in court- can you blame him though? Cell phone ringing in federal court almost worse than having it go off during a first date.

Scotland makes Scotch a national priority; all is right with the world.

I love it that the pot smokers got their money refunded.

Dream Job: Executive Director of the Foreign Accent Syndrome Awareness Association.

Man has erection for 10 years and gets paid $400,000 for it. Everybody wins!

The Goo officially endorses FRANCE for the World Cup, as we have a strict policy of not cheering for shiny, beautiful, tan bastards. That, and Zinedine Zidane is the coolest name ever, not to mention damn good-looking. Allez allez les Bleus!


Blogger Maggie said...

ok, hello, i understand that self-promotion is bad, and that this may anger you, but i just cant resist the temptation of inviting a fellow blogger over to my page to check out one little thingie;-) you're welcome to stop by. thanks in advance:-)))

10:20 AM  
Blogger Ness said...

So two comments:

1. We have drunk pelicans around where Mikl works- there is a garbage tipnearby and the pelicans feast on rotting fruit before falling from the sky drunk, to be found by workers on their lunchtime runs who then get mauled when they try to help them.

2. OMG Zidane is the HOTTEST thing ever. Although the tan shiny bastards are pretty cute, its too hard to cheer for them when you eyes keep following the hunky French guy. Alas, I too, must abandon the shiny tan ones to support France, although it would look good that the team we almost beat went on to win.

3:04 AM  
Anonymous Gooey Mgmt. said...

Maggie. Poofygoo's management team thanks you for your interest in The Goo Report. Your feedback means a lot to us. In future comments, please abide by these rules, as described on Tony Pierce's blog.

Pay particularly close attention to number 14. We have excerpted the most important clause for your convenience.

... nobody wants to vote on whether your blog is hot or not ...

Thank you for you interest in The Goo.

4:32 PM  
Blogger rock_ninja said...

Dear Maggie and Goo readers.
For the Record, the management is completely seperate from the writing/editorial departments of the Goo. Also, the management really can only post comments. Oh, and teach me how to make a pretty template.

4:58 PM  
Anonymous Gooey Mgmt. said...

Whatever. Legitimacy is for sissies.

5:22 PM  
Blogger jason_uk said...

I call double indoctrination!

Not only does poofy goo want us to follow a link to which we must subscribe (for this read be indoctrianated and give our details to big brother)
but when we get here to complain we are being indoctrinated by foreign sources......

On a more humerous note on Zidane incident - the French Football Association is thinking calling FIFA out on a rule it passed in March which bascially says, should any player on team A racially abuse a player on Team B during a game between said teams A and B then Team A forfeits the game ... could be interesting.... "Sorry Italy can we have the winners medals back please!"

3:06 PM  

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