The Goo Report:: The Agony of Decisions Edition

It's been a week full of difficult decisions. No, I'm not talking about giving the worst ultimatum ever ("You can't just give me one option, that's not how it works!"), rather I'm talking about the agony of deciding whether to cheer for Argentina or Germany in the World Cup. Picking a loyalty after the U.S. was booted out by Ghana was easy at first- Italy vs. Australia? No question, Oz all the way- not just cuz we at the Goo are partial to Aus and its supremely awesome denizens (DynoNESS!), but b/c the Italian team is a bunch of shiny, tan, beautiful bastards. As the week progressed, the decisions became more difficult- Germany or Argentina? I mean, if I can't root for Italy, then I can't very well cheer for Argentina, who are shiny, tan, beautiful bastards trying to seem Italian. It's like saying come the next Supreme Court Pep Rally, you wouldn't cheer for Scalia, but you would still cheer for Clarence Thomas. But cheering for Germany is just too easy. Besides, aren't all the Argentian team members of German nationality anyways?

But tomorrow, we are faced with a terrible, decision, one that can only lead to a Phyrric victory. Yes, it's a rematch of eight years ago between France and Brazil.

Now, while we here at the Goo love both France and Brazil, we cannot in good conscience cheer for either team. Don't get us wrong: we love both countries. But cheering for Brazil is as obvious as, well, cheering for Brazil in the World Cup, and I'm mad at France's national team. See, before they won the title in 1998, their team was called Les Coqs- the cocks. After their victory, they realized the euphemistic nature of their nickname and changed it to Les Bleus. First of all, what the hell is a blue? As in a Smurf? I don't get it. Secondly, I find it highly un-French not to embrace the full euphemistic nature of such a team name. But alas, I will cheer for them anyways. Not only because they've been playing extremely well, but also because it'll piss off a LOT of freedom fry-eating jingoists if France wins. And isn't that what the World Cup is all about?

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