Saturday, November 25, 2006

David Blaine, Please Do Not Kill Me Using Only Your Mind

What if David Blaine did a stunt and no one cared? Seriously, this latest gyroscope seems to be about poorly manufactured hype, suspisciously similar to that Big Lots Christmas Elf contest1.

Here's my question: David Blaine got out of the shackles and led 100 children on the "shopping spree of their dreams". Of their dreams? Really? Cuz when I was a little girl, a five hundred dollar gift card would't have bought a pony, much less the flying chesnut brown sparkly talking pony I dreamt would whisk me away from my awful parents, who thought that ripping the pink ribboned wallpaper off my walls was not an appropriate means of self-expression 2. Alls I'm saying is that David Blaine is not in touch with the dreams of small children. Considering what he would probably do with those dreams if he got his hands on them, I guess that's a good thing.

When you think of all the cost it took to pay David Blaine, secure city permits, do the PR, and, of course,set up a gyroscope, you wonder why they just didn't give the kids all that money. At least that way the kids could buy some PowerWheels or a dinosaur3 something.

I'm very curious as to what would have happened if David Blaine didn't get out of the gyroscope and had to be rescued- would those 100 little kids just be SOL?

1.I have no idea who actually voted for that. I hope none of you actually know what I'm talking aboutif you do, you're probably one of the suckedy parents who bought your kids VTech "educational" products instead of the new Wii, which looks so fucking cool. While we're on the topic of the Wii, how many fat little kids used the following to implore their parents to buy them the Wii: "You have to move to play it; I'll get exercise!" And how many parents do you think are actually buying it? I don't want to think about that anymore. Huzzzz.

2. I don't care if I was destroying their walls, they were stifling my dreams!. If I'd only had a shitty warehouse space and some coked out friends, that could have been a great performance piece.
3.Yet another eason not to have kids- do you really want to bring up your kids in a world were they can't have their own dinosaur? Me neither.


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