The Goo Report

You know, I've kinda missed the Goo Report. I dunno why I stopped doing it. In any case, here's an installment for you, chock full of the cholesterol that clogs the arteries of the tubes of internetty goodness.

I know it's a little late, but this is still hilarious. And, yes, I'm still working on a design for my "Global Warming Kills Santa" campaign. T-shirts!

There's no justice like angry mob justice. When I lived in Dakar, my friend Steve's backpack was stolen- inside it were his camera, passport, wallet, books, life, etc. When he told his host family about the incident, two of his "brothers" quietly left the house. They came back a few hours later with the backpack. The next day, the mugger, sporting a face full of fresh, pulpy bruises, apologized to Steve.

You know what I hate more than those fucking iPod earbuds? Fucking iPod earbud accessories. For serious.

"9. Climate. The Bush administration, after years of denial about global warming, lists the polar bear as a threatened species, warning that its icy habitat is in danger of melting. In a bold effort to save the beloved predator from extinction, the administration announces plans to let Exxon Mobil drill for polar bears in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge." Watch out for armoured bears!

The headline, Charges dropped against girl who wet her pants was a lot funnier than the article's content, which was actually quite depressing.

You know, ethics are all well and good, but what about those poor kids who have to go to gym class now? I mean, a DOLLAR to get out of gym? It's not like the teacher was turning a huge profit. She was thinking of the children!

CATFIGHT!

Speaking of catfights, poor Alex. His breasts are perfectly lovely, leave him alone!

Yes, the picture has nothing to do with the post. Except that I just wanted to prove a point: Deinonychus is pronounced [dai.ˈna.ni.kəs], not [dai.no.'ni.kəs]. And just in case you doubt the supremacy of either Wikipedia (which, granted, is at times a dubious source) OR IPA, here's some backup. All of you who doubted me and my dinoknowledge can suck on it, as I will no longer let you play with my awesome dinosaur cards. Mua. hahaha. ahahahaahhahah. Nerd alert: While I realize that a more accurate portrayal of deinonychus would show it as being the correct size- a lot smaller than the cheetah- and with the pack of raptors it travelled with, this was the goriest picture I could find, and gore always trumps accuracy.