Friday, December 29, 2006

Save The Teddy Bears!

You know, here at the Goo, we always appreciate it when adorability wins out over altruism. Sure, people are not willing to cut back on greenhouse gases simply for people. I mean, has that ever really worked? When was the last time people actually stopped having a war for the sake of the people? But polar bears: they're a constant source of adorability. Also, my childhood most beloved toy, Joe Bear (he looks just like the picture except for the fact that he's a lot greyer, the felt on his nose is worn off, and due to an unfortunate incident of fraternal abuse, he now has an asshole). The LA Times puts it in the most practical terms:

In the polar bear, the [Bush] administration may have met its match. This isn't just any animal — it is a creature at once majestic and cuddly, the star attraction at countless zoos and featured in so many TV commercials it practically qualifies for a SAG card. If that's not enough, the same type of habitat loss threatening the bears' survival also endangers the penguin, which had a better year at the box office than all but a few humans.

You know, I used to think that the way forward for the environmental movement was to make environmentalism a moral issue- appeal to Christian conservatives and make it an issue of taking care of God's green earth, as well as making environmentalism a business issue- it's in the best interest of corporations to go green for their long-term profits- if the Libertarians can buy it, so can the fiscal conservatives.

As it turns out, all this coalition building is totally unnecessary. All we need to do is start my new campaign:


Seriously, there would be ads with half-built toys abandoned, reindeer refugee camps, piles of elfin bodies,- it would be the New War On Christmas. Ooooh! Copyright and trademark!


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