Wreak The Vote!

Only one candidate has managed to corner the apathetic youth vote. The kids love Ron Paul and what he stands for, namely a 17-year old boy's right to smoke pot and play video games in his parent's basement. It's brought the smelly boys out in droves to campaign for Ron Paul's vision of America. Good God, it'll be beautiful stinky:

"A lot of guys in a small area," says Jeff Frazee, the Paul campaign's youth coordinator. "Doesn't smell the best." During spare moments, which are rare, the Paul boys watch guy movies such as "Transformers" and wish there were more girls around.

While a Ron Paul presidency would leave America considerably stinkier and somewhat illiterate, his election would be a cautionary tale for generations to come: Parents, see what happens when you don't try hard enough to get your teenager a Wii for Christmas during election season when the Iowa caucus mere days away? They may have short attention spans, but not that short.