"No one on their death bed ever said, 'I wish I had spent more time using Internet Explorer to watch puppies on a webcam.' " -- Bill Shein
Such an epitaph remains unuttered because I'm not dead. Yet. (Also, I use Firefox.) My untimely demise is a fairly common misperception these days. You might have thought so by my quiet on the internets over the past few months. You're not the only one. Chief Ike's Mambo Room will no longer honor my lifetime free entrance pass, despite the statement on the card that it expires when I expire. Even after presenting them with what I thought was a fairly convincing explanation (complete with a little jig) that I am not, in fact, dead, they still won't let me in. Now where am I supposed to show off the reflective stripes on my pleatherette backgammon case?
Alas, I remain very much alive, unlike Sigurd the Mighty of Orkney, who strapped the head of a defeated foe to his leg, the tooth of which grazed against him as he rode his horse, causing the infection which killed him. That seems like a much better way to go than Humphrey de Bohun, 4th Earl of Hereford, who was was fatally speared through the anus by a pikeman hiding under the bridge during the Battle of Boroughbridge. Still, sometimes, I do fear that the Object is trying to kill me by the same methods that did in Martin I of Aragon: a lethal combination of indigestion and uncontrollable laughing.