Monday, June 26, 2006

Ten Reasons I Am Cranky Today

1. Rampant douchebaggery. I swear, it's everywhere, in swimming pools, on buses, in offices, Everywhere! In a fine example, on the bus this morning, there was an open seat in between two obese people. As I started to wedge myself in between the two, and thereby make room an an already overcrowded bus, the man occupying a seat and a half told me I couldn't sit there because I didn't fit.

"Excuse me, but did you pay for two seats?" I asked, incredulously.

"No, but that doesn't mean you can sit there," He replied.

"Look, you paid for one seat, so that's what you get to sit in, and unless you're going to go and pay to take up two seats, you have no right to prevent me from sitting here." When the man made no move to go pay the extra fare, I wedged my little ass (which Scourge of the Swimming Pool once described as that of a ten-year-old boy) in the seat and took my time getting comfortable.

Now, before you all cry that I'm insensitive here, we at the Goo find all shapes and sizes beautiful. That doesn't mean that you have the right to take up more than your fair share of space.

2. Lack of sunshine. While I thank the weather gods for sending us rain and gorgeous thunderstorms that nicely complemented this past weekend's generally cranky mood at the Goo, I could really use a little sunshine. I'm at the point where I cry when I hear Louisiana by The Walkmen.

3. While this may be filed under rampant douchebaggery, Italy beat Australia. By the way, this World Cup has already set the record for most fouls handed out, and there are still 12 games left.

4. Someone took my milk that was in the refrigerator at work. I was going to drink it with a cookie. Now the cookie is worthless. WORTHLESS!

5. I got a temp, which is good, as now I can blog instead of working, but she's overly chatty.

6. Boys who slip the tongue. Ewwwwwwwwww!

7. I still want the cookie and milk, but refuse to buy a new carton of milk on principle. By the way, stores now require that you pay with money, so the principle option is out.

8. You didn't get that joke, did you? Hmph.

9. I am NOT on the beach in Guatemala, unlike SOME people. Most of whom are Guatemalans.

10. I am not sitting at home in my papasan chair, and thus unable to fully wallow in my cranky mood.

UPDATE: While at lunch (which was, admittedly, delicious, and it rained only when I stepped into Java Green and stopped before I wanted to leave), I thought of FOUR more reasons to be grumpy:

11. I have a toothache in a tooth in which I had a root canal, which should not be possible

12. They were out of cookies and milk at the cafe where I ate

13. People ALWAYS stop their cars in the damn crosswalk here, which pushes the pedestrians into traffic.

14. Why does toenail polish have to be SO damn difficult to put on? (Shut up, Dynoness).

I did also notice that I have a tendency to post about my grumpy moods, but not as much when I'm in a sunny mood. This is because the sunny mood is generally my default, whereas the grumpiness is an anomoly. I will keep you all posted as to when the sunny mood returns, since I know you're all waiting with bated breath.


Anonymous Chris Chan said...

After reading your reasons for being cranky, I have only one question:

Why is the polar bear's tongue blue? Other than the Brooks/Reiner 2,000 Year-Old Man sketch about a tongue turning blue and going to Sigmund Freud for a cure, I've never heard of such a phenomenon before.

3:09 PM  
Blogger rock_ninja said...

Chris, I believe the question is actually, why ISN'T your tongue blue?

I think all polar bears tongues are black (secretly, blue-looking).

3:27 PM  
Anonymous Chris Chan said...

I was so curious that I tracked down the question on the Internet myself. I found the answer on The answer is as follows:

1. Why do polar bears have blue tongues?

There are two reasons:
1. Although it is hard to see beneath their white fur, polar bears have strongly pigmented, deep black skin. This allows them to absorb much more heat than pale skin and so helps to protect them against the icy cold Arctic. It is possible that the pigmentation of the skin has extended to pigmentation of the mucus membranes (including the tongue).
2. Polar bears do not sweat through their skin, and their paws are also unsuitable for heat regulation, being thickly callused to prevent the bears from cutting themselves on sharp ice edges. The bears therefor regulate heat, like dogs, by panting. The tongue is then blue as a result of high blood circulation.

It seems that MY tongue ISN'T blue because I use air conditioning instead of panting to keep cool in the summer.

Hope you feel better soon.

3:54 PM  

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