Friday, July 21, 2006

The Goo Report: Too Many Damn Cats

As a cat owner, I constantly worry that I'm going to turn into one of those crazy cat ladies. I really like my cat more than I like most kids (and I generally like kids). He's softer, he has a tail, he plays fetch, and he taught himself how to shit in a box. I'm pretty sure if I had a kid, I would put a box in the corner of the nursery and hope for the best. However, over the past two weeks, events have lead me to believe that you actually can have too many cats.

See, I found a kitten who was clearly someone's pet (feral cats tend not to run up to you, purring and meowing and begging for food), and I took it back to the casa, hoping to find its owner. At my house, we already have three cats- my big black beefy ex-tom (sorry about your nads kitty, but like I said, you can have too many cats), and Mysterious Ambiguously Aged Asian Woman Roommate (MAAAWR- the kitties named her, not me)'s two cats, a plump pedigreed egyptian mao who looks like a former beauty pageant contestant whose seen better days and a little scrappy black runt whose meow sounds like a cross between Kathleen Turner and Diane Rehm. Add in the new little bundle of joy, and well, that's just three cats too many.

All of that serves as a lnegthy introduction to today's conundrum for the Goo Report- if two cats are one two many, what is one cat with two faces?

In related news- caring lifesaver, or cat who does the same old shit every other cat does, namely sit around, stare, and purr? You be the judge.

In other Fucked Up Pet Stories: Assholes exoricse their dog to death. That's not a typo.

Somebody needs to tell this kid to watch out for six foot tall demonic rabbits.

Chicago says No Fattties. This former Chicagoan says fat chance.

SNAKES IN A CAR! AT THE GROCERY STORE! Too bad Samuel L Jackson wasn't around to save her.

Here's a question- what happens after the 25 years you're alloted are up at this cemetery for soccer fans?

Wait, so we're supposed to trust a headline is true from America's most trusted source for fake headlines? I'm so confused.


Blogger The Bird said...

Do you think the the tongue in cheek irony in the last line if the dog article intetional? Or just poor editing?

8:20 PM  

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