Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Est-ce Que Tu As Peur des Morts-Vivants?

"This article is about the undead. For other meanings, see Zombie (disambiguation)."

It's Zombie Day here at the Goo. Why? In a rare fit of romance, the Object of My Affection called me late yesterday afternoon and told me he wanted to give me a special evening. And of course that meant cooking me delicious dinner even when I said I wasn't hungry and renting me zombie movies. Sigh, l'amour!

He rented 28 Days Later; although it can be plausibly argued that it's not exactly a zombie movie (I'd say it's a war movie), it's still scary enough to give me dreams that the president of Iran was actually a scaly monster who worked with a scary blob lady to kidnap me to their castle in the sky, which looked not unlike the bad guys land in Rainbow Brite. I'm not letting the Object bring Newsweek to bed anymore.

How Stuff Works outlines some very important tenets of what constitutes a zombie movie:
* Newly dead corpses reanimated by radiation, chemicals, viruses, sorcery or acts of God
* Human, although some depictions include zombie animals
* Very strong, but not very fast or agile
* Impervious to pain and able to function after sustaining extreme physical damage
* Invulnerable to injury, except for decapitation or destruction of the brain
* Relentlessly driven to kill and eat
* Afraid of fire and bright lights

I was gonna put a link in here to an article called "Bringing Up Your Spawn of the Dead", but then I read the article, and it didn't discuss zombie procreation and development of the undead young so much as it told how to show zombie movies to your un-undead kids. Booooooooooring.
Instead,I offer you the Zombie Survival Guide, your complete guide to surviving an encounter with the undead.

We must celebrate zombies, since they have always been a part of my life. When my parakeet, Lucky, flew into the toaster, my parents bought my brothers and I a new parakeet that looked pretty much the same as Lucky. So we pretended he was the zombie form of Lucky, and simply called him Lucky the Undead. Oddly enough, he flew into the toaster as well. It was around then we realized we should stop calling our birds "Lucky".


Blogger 3pennyjane said...

If you don't start watching Buffy DVDs pretty soon, there's going to be a brief popping sound as my head actually explodes. Not that zombies play a major role in the Buffyverse, but come on! They appear in the episode called "Dead Man's Party"--what's not to love?!?

Sorry for the excess punctuation there. Im in ur officez, steelin ur nonalfanumerik simbolz.

5:02 PM  
Anonymous Chris Chan said...

Zombies also appear in the 3rd season episode "The Zeppo."

10:54 PM  
Blogger 3pennyjane said...

Walker Texas Ranger! You been tapin' it for me, man?

10:37 AM  
Anonymous Chris Chan said...

You know, long before I started watching BtVS, I was playing Trivial Pursuit, and I got the question "On Buffy, what TV show did [name of zombie] want to catch up on after he was raised from the dead?" I had no idea then, but I do now.

1:03 PM  
Blogger 3pennyjane said...

Yeah, calculus is a faint horrible memory in the deeps of my brain, but random Buffy quotes are just right there. Also, and more to the point, there's a Trivial Pursuit that includes that kind of question? There is hope for the world after all.

3:34 PM  
Anonymous Chris Chan said...

The Trivial Pursuit question about "The Zeppo" and "Walker, Texas Ranger" was the CD-ROM version that came out in 2000. There is also a "Millenium Edition" that came out a few years ago with a ton of Buffy questions.

7:15 PM  
Blogger rock_ninja said...

But the problem with the millennium edition is that it's so easy, you fiish the game i like, 20 minutes. And then you can't force your "friends" to stay. Sigh.

7:18 PM  
Anonymous Chris Chan said...

The game only finishes quickly if you're lucky enough to land on the center, and it often takes at least six rolls, and often more, to get there after you've filled your circle. It always takes me about as long to get a perfect roll to hit the center and then answer the question right as it does to get all six pieces in the first place.

12:42 AM  

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