Ten Signs Your Weekend Was Spent Properly Sqaundering Your Youth

1. You go to the National/Arcade Fire concert that RAWKed so hard, you spend the rest of the weekend pumping your fist during every conversation, including the one where your eight-months pregnant friend tells a joke about a horse named Fleabiscuit
2. You sport your new ninja kitty track jacket with built-in laser-shooting star elbow patches (pewpewpew) from a designer who you’re pretty sure is secretly yourself (no, for reals, the Gama-Go baby line is called the Goo line; they sell a line of ninja kitty wear, and have air guitar couch cushions. And you already saw the laser shooting star patches. Cue the creepy music)
3. Someone buys into your claim that you’re a freelance writer and editor and decides to pay you for such work on a regular basis
4. You throw a party, at which two of the Object of Your Affection’s friends admit that they think that after dating their friend for a year and a half, you’re alright and a good match for their friend
5. You discover the second season of the Muppet Show will be released on DVD August 7^th
6. Upon waking up the morning after your party, you find the following note to self: “Start a band called The Church Belligerent. Write number-one hit called You Never Made Me A Chainmail Dildo."
7. Also upon waking, you find your room littered with sah-weet birthday presents, including a Punky Brewster-style summer scarf, an illustration not unlike this one depicting Gunter from the Unexpected Normalcy in the Winners of the Lives of This Year's Beard and Moustache Championship, a handpainted pysanka, and more bottles of booze than you can drink at a New Jersey roller derby
8. You already have plans to attend a New Jersey roller derby next weekend
9. You then receive the best birthday present of all when, still curled up in bed, the Object hands you a Calvin and Hobbes, a steaming mug of tea, and declares, “I have one last birthday present for you; stay in bed while I clean up the party.”
10. Your team finally wins (you keep it to yourself that it was a pretty sloppy game, though)