Friday, September 28, 2007

The Goo Report: The Future Is Apparently Not Women

CNN: Dashing our dreams for the future, one flying car at a time.

Even though we won't be flying around in magical cars, at least in the future, we can let the computers think for us, and if my results are any evidence, Dennis Kucinich will reign supreme! Get your prayer flags ready for fun in a peaceful, nonthreatening way!

How did you celebrate National Punctuation Day?

It's not so much a problem that the bartender served a shot of Pinesol; that was just misguided. No, what really chafes about this "barmaid" story is the "ungodly hour" of the prankery. Had it been earlier, it wouldn't have been nearly so egregious.

Wrapping up the women's World Cup- Greg Ryan: Worst. Women's coach. Ever. "Hope Solo? Eh. She'll get over it once she gets off the rag. Damnable women." Hope Solo: not making it easy. "Briana. What a bitch." Briana: "I'm so tired. And old. I will just hang out here in this box while these women play a game around me." Leslie: "Don't worry ladies; I'll help! I can do stuff, too! Watch me score! I have a scrunchie!" Shannon: "Dag. I'm outta here." Entire USNWT: "Da.g We're outta here." Marta: "I make kicking with ball and now am dancing of samba! I am to play better than you and making of better story- I was being poor, bitches! Still having braces! Weeping for future, America!" Yes, weeping. Sunday: Go Brazil!

Fine, fine, babies and fathers can fight on a level playing field. But until they come up with something as snuggly as cat hair, boys are still doomed.


Blogger 3pennyjane said...

"How did you celebrate National Punctuation Day?"
I...can think of several inappropriately biological answers.

12:17 PM  
Blogger The Goo said...

I KNOW. There's a gold mine of material there; I didn't even know where to begin.

12:18 PM  
Blogger dara said...

I can't believe I missed National Punctuation Day. I'll be marking it on my calendar for next year -- possibly with an asterisk, which was omitted from the list.

12:47 PM  

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