Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Shot in the Head, and You're to Blame; You Give Safeway a Bad Name

Hey, wanna see my apartment building?

If you look in the background of the photo accompanying this story, you can see it.

First and most importantly, our best wishes go out to the victim in the hopes of her recovery. But now it's time to ban together as a neighborhood to catch the perpetrator, a black women. With dreads. And blue jeans. That narrows the field of suspects considerably.

In an effort to help out, I've cooked up two plump and juicy conspiracy theories that conveniently suit my personal agenda and also shed light on how this sort of thing could happen in my front yard, so to speak. Well, actually three, if you count "This isn't actually that unusual and I batted nary an eyelash last night when the sirens screamed down the block as they are wont to do every seven or so minutes, but that's another story for another day" as a theory.

CRAPSHOT IN THE HEAD NUMBER ONE:
The woman who shot the other women in the head was driven to the edge by truck idling. See, every Tuesday evening, right in the middle of rush hour, the big CVS 18-wheeler idles (engine ON) in front of the CVS at 1700 Columbia Road and unloads its wares for two hours, give or take. You'd think it would be the black smoke from the exhaust spewing forth into my windows that would piss me off, but no, it's the
noise
noise
noise
NOISE
NOISE
NOISE!
It's the most maddening sound in the entire world; a deep, rumbling white noise that bores inside your skull, making conversation or hearing one's thoughts an impossibility. DC has laws against excessive engine idling, and defines excessive as more than three minutes. But the police don't care; they have real crime to solve. And yet, I challenge them to come and endure this noise for two hours and then try not to go out and shoot someone in the head. It's a Sisyphean feat, which is why there was a woman shot in the head on the 1700 block of Columbia Road on a Tuesday evening.

Note to MPDC: an ounce of prevention is worth 8 pounds of human head on the sidewalk.

CRAPSHOT IN THE HEAD NUMBER TWO:
Whenever something like this happens, our illustrious Ward 1 Councilman Jim Graham straightens his bowtie in a very grave manner, promises that all necessary action will be taken, and then rebukes the venue where the shooting occurred. Club U, 1919, Kili's Cafe, Solo's, and mebbe H2O (though the people who go there are pretty rich, so don't hold your breath); you shoot 'em up, Jim Graham shuts 'em down. What you probably don't know is that Harris Teeter is slated to open up just down the street. AND, according to the Post, "Graham said he hoped the Harris Teeter would "inspire Safeway to do better" in the neighborhood."

Hmmmmmm.

There's one overarching common denominator here: JIM GRAHAM. Is it reasonable to conclude that Graham, in an effort to speed up the opening of the Harris Teeter1 - which is already long past due to open - conspired to have a woman shot in the head so that the UnSafeway (a.k.a. Soviet Safeway, depending on who you ask) would be shut down?

Absolutely.

Let's see if he can do anything about those idling trucks before we castigate the man, though. He lives a block away from me and you never know who he'll come after next2...


1.Which, to be fair, is a wholly pleasant shopping experience.
2. In the interest of full disclosure, I voted for Jim Graham (don't remember if I had a choice) and will likely do so again. I like the cut of his jib, and I'm sick of the rotten onions at the UnSafeway, too.

11 Comments:

Blogger Edward said...

No, that's the Spanish Safeway next door to you. The Soviet Safeway is over on 17th. (At Corcoran, between Q and R.)

1:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, you don't like noise, yet you live in Adams Morgan? Can you see how this is sort of, like not to be taken seriously? Granted a woman being shot is awful...but a noise complaint? In Adams Morgan?

Sorry, not really feelin' any sympathy. Unless you moved there like 30 years ago. Otherwise, you knew what you were in for when you moved to the area.

1:55 PM  
Blogger The Goo said...

Nonononononono, you didn't read carefully! I don't mind the noise in Adams Morgan; I like the hustle, bustle, etc. It's the one specific noise of the idling truck- which drowns out all other noise, including the voices in my head- that I hate.

2:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A woman was shot. Have some decency.

2:08 PM  
Blogger The Bird said...

@anon #1: Be fair here. The Goo is not complaining about the noise in AM. She said nothing about the Tejano music blasting from cars at 6 am, the large dumptrucks with horrible suspensions going over the ever-present potholes on Columbia Rd., the MPD/DCFD sirens which seem set to a reliable 8 minute interval, nor the yelling of either drunk AU students, wacked out crackheads, or garden variety domestic disputes. Those are the sounds of AM, and they make the neighborhood what it is. It's called charm.

What the Goo is complaining about the CVS semi which idles needlessly for 2 hours at a stretch 3 or more times a week whilst it unloads (in violation of District law I might add). It's chugging diesel quite literally makes conversation difficult. Seriously, it's the sort of noise that violates the Geneva Conventions.

2:41 PM  
Blogger The Goo said...

Oh my, we're quite polemic today.

Decency? I'm going with the inestimable words of George Bernard Shaw, who I imagine is more famous than you (ergo, better), oh-anonymous-friend, "Decency is indecency's conspiracy of silence."

2:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

that is tragic story indeed , it sucks that the smallest things can make someone SNAP ... You ever see the movie Falling Down..?
And hey that is My car in the background of the video the Honda Acord the silver one, well not actually unless someone borrowed it and drove it from the ATL all the way there.

2:37 AM  
Blogger The Insider said...

Not to throw you and anonymous off track (cause that little conversation was as priceless as your blog) but I really like the conspiracy aspect. Who would guess that Jim Graham worked for Harris teeter.
As for the safeway, that one is the Sadinsta Safeway.

7:20 PM  
Blogger The Goo said...

I have a suspicion that those anonymousers are different peoples. Sigh. Anonymous.

7:37 PM  
Blogger wordwitch said...

Hi goo...turns out we're kinda neighbors...hubby and I have a house over just north of Howard U, and walk down Columbia to 18th all the time.

As for the noise of the truck - heh...I can beat you on that one. We used to live up in Bangor, Maine (don't ask why...) and our apt. looked out over the Penobscot river...AND the train tracks. The darn-blasted things would stop and idle right there for HOURS....imagine a LOCOMOTIVE diesel chugging away....'bout drove my fillings right through my jaw sometimes. And the time of day always varied...sometimes they'd pull in right at 10pm, and stay there till about 3am, then WHISTLE as they left!! Yeesh...

Anyhoo...my sympathies.

Wordwitch

9:41 AM  
Blogger The Goo said...

Wow, that is intense- I used to leave about 3/4 of a mile from a huge freight train route that ran up through Wisconsin, and I could hear the engines idling from that far- I can't even imagine what it's like. It's not that the noise in and of itself is obnoxious; it's that it drowns everything out.

10:05 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home