The Goo Report: Get Your Cooties Shot Now!

It's been a tough week at the Goo, what with learning about this kissing disease that's going around and what with the West Nile coming to the District. We can only hole up and wait for the impending zombie army that's sure to come this weekend (cool!). In the meantime, it's been a rich week for ridiculous non-news posing as news:

UPDATE: SOMEONE STOLE THE TWO-HEADED KITTEN! (or else its mother ate it).

I hate this story for its misleading headline.

Now they'll have to change the guy's name to Uncle Plasticbags.

Obesity Epidemic is getting so bad that people are actually too fat for medical care.

Apparently, I'm not the only one who gets a ball of confetti and people singing to me when I go poop. (You might have to watch this one in explorer)

Wait, gum is allowed in school now?

I appreciate the hard core science that goes into making ice cream as delicious as possible. It does raise (apparently, it does not beg) the question of whether genetically modified foods derived from animals is technically vegetarian?

Did you know it's possible to be charged with illegally possessing human remains? If you're a stripper from Northern NJ, it makes for tres killah journalism.

Now, not too sound too elitist, because I hate the bastards who call the Midwest "flyover country", but this story evidences why Chicagoans like to set themselves apart from their Illinois brethren.

From the Bad Language blog, a story about an anti-spam firm sending out spam as part of their PR. Oops.

Man denied liquor license. not because he was a prison inmate, but because his application was incomplete. Better luck next time?