When You Do Yoga On The Ceiling, You Don't Need A Mat
People keep telling me that the upside of being on crutches is that you're guaranteed a seat on the bus or metro (no matter what crazy old men say). What they don't realize is that being on crutches means you can't fold yourself into THE best seat on the metro.
Observe:
Soooooo jealous.
Being on crutches, now more than ever, I want WMATA to install bad bus driver buttons. This would be a simple button or rope you could pull much like the one you pull to request a stop. When you're literally being jerked around by the bus driver with the leaden brake foot, you can just push the bad bus driver button, and the driver will be ejected from his or her seat all Veruca Salt-style and replaced by Oompa Loompas (I would suggest that the bus driving duties just be taken over by Oompa Loompas, but that would never go over politically; those are DC jobs!). If passengers were found abusing the bad bus driver button, they will be locked in a room, their eyelids will be forced open, Clockwork Orange-style and forced to read DCist comments ad nauseum. Don't abuse power!
It is my dream that one day, the bad bus driver button will be so ingrained in our culture that it will be part of The Wheels on The Bus Go Round and Round.
The button on the bus ejects bad drivers,
bad drivers,
bad drivers!
The button on the bus ejects bad drivers,
so I don't sit in someone's lap!
Observe:
Soooooo jealous.
Being on crutches, now more than ever, I want WMATA to install bad bus driver buttons. This would be a simple button or rope you could pull much like the one you pull to request a stop. When you're literally being jerked around by the bus driver with the leaden brake foot, you can just push the bad bus driver button, and the driver will be ejected from his or her seat all Veruca Salt-style and replaced by Oompa Loompas (I would suggest that the bus driving duties just be taken over by Oompa Loompas, but that would never go over politically; those are DC jobs!). If passengers were found abusing the bad bus driver button, they will be locked in a room, their eyelids will be forced open, Clockwork Orange-style and forced to read DCist comments ad nauseum. Don't abuse power!
It is my dream that one day, the bad bus driver button will be so ingrained in our culture that it will be part of The Wheels on The Bus Go Round and Round.
The button on the bus ejects bad drivers,
bad drivers,
bad drivers!
The button on the bus ejects bad drivers,
so I don't sit in someone's lap!
posted by The Goo at 11:38 AM
4 Comments:
We really are turning into New York City.
I love that video! I love how no one seems to bat an eye, and two people actually just move right on past him like it's an everyday sight to see someone hanging upside down on the Metro.
Thanks for making me laugh out loud today. I adore this video.
You could be on fire in DC, and noone would even notice. Well, they WOULD notice, but wouldn't act like it.
:)
Dammit. I just learned that this is actually the BART in San Fran. No wonder those cars look so shiny and clean. In any case, as soon as I get off the crutches, we will have some DC Metrorail Yoga. Bring your cameras. Or, in typical DC Fashion, don't bat an eyelash.
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