Monday, July 02, 2007

No, Really, That's About It

I went to college in Northeast Wisconsin, and every so often I'll tell east coast people stories of what it's like there. Invariably, the response I get is "Wait, really?" A quick perusal through the top Wisconsin-related news will generate the same response from you. Observe:



Alternative energy bullshit.
To clarify, alternative energy from bullshit. Really.

Packers-themed weddings. " 'We wanted our wedding to be a super thing that everyone would remember and Lambeau was a slam dunk,' says Kevin Rades, a human resources manager for a Green Bay supermarket." A slam dunk? Why not a touchdown? Because the Packers can't score any! Ha!

So yep, all is as it should be in the great state of Wisconsin.

Photo Credit: Cheesehead University.


Blogger dara said...

This is my favorite Wisconsin picture.

On an unrelated note, I just tagged you for a meme. Feel free to ignore.

10:26 PM  
Blogger rock_ninja said...

I'm in a meeting all day, but then I'll play!

7:19 AM  
Anonymous Chris Chan said...

Oh, like the news coming from Washington D.C. is so great. You've been complaining about Scooter Libby's pardon for two days now. The local news in Northern Wisconsin is the least depressing news in the country. From February to July, fifteen minutes out of the daily broadcast is about the Packers, and during football season the Packers compose about twenty to twenty-five minutes of the telecast. While the major networks are scaring the hell out the nation with terror threats and new ways that tap water can give you cancer, the Northern Wisconsin networks are giving the people pride and hope in their favorite team. Seriously, I'm not making this up. I was up in Northern Wisconsin when the story about the terrorist attacks in Britain broke, and the story was rapidly spun to "Do Packer fans have to worry about terrorists attacking Lambeau?" Give all of your East Coast "Wait, REALLY?" friends my e-mail address. I'll field their questions.

8:12 PM  
Blogger rock_ninja said...

Whoa there- I never said it's depressing, it's awesome. Did you not see the taxidermy and cheese truck? If we're gonna talk depressing, it's the four months lacking adequate sunshine. I think you need to start a WisPride blog!

9:21 AM  
Anonymous Chris Chan said...

O.K., good. You meant awesome. You know that I have trouble picking up sarcasm or other forms of verbal nuance when written online, especially when it's in a place where emoticons are banned.

2:47 PM  
Blogger rock_ninja said...

Chris, c'mon! How do you not get AWESOME from bullshit as a source of clean energy? Taxidermy and Cheese! It's kitsch heaven!

It is true that Cheeseheads have an inflated sense of their importance in the world. But so do I, so it's all good.

3:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh, this makes me miss home. and cheese curds that squeak (and not from being warmed in the microwave). i just don't understand why they don't export those suckers. what did i learn from the university of wisconsin? that after a heavy night of drinking beer you should eat some brats and cheese before you go to bed - or at least a cheese-filled brat. i kid you not. (it kind of works wonders for the morning after.)

5:45 PM  
Anonymous Chris Chan said...

Makes sense to me. Brats and cheese probably work on the same principle as eating a stick of butter before you drink. The fat coats your stomach, preventing your body from absorbing the alcohol. I know this from a purely academic perspective, never having tried these methods myself.

5:19 PM  
Anonymous Chris Chan said...

Makes sense to me. Brats and cheese probably work on the same principle as eating a stick of butter before you drink. The fat coats your stomach, preventing your body from absorbing the alcohol. I know this from a purely academic perspective, never having tried these methods myself.

5:19 PM  
Blogger rock_ninja said...

Wait, wasn't that a prerequisite for graduating Lawrence?

5:47 PM  
Anonymous Chris Chan said...

In order to graduate, Lawrence requires students to take the following classes over the course of four years as part of their Revelry Studies (REVE) program.

Freshman year: REVE 101: Intro to Partying.
Sophomore year: REVE 202: Colloquium in Experimental Tactile Experience.
Junior year: REVE 303: Studies in Advanced Binge-drinking.
Senior year: REVE 404: Seminar in Substance Abuse and Addiction.
Fifth-year Superseniors: REVE 505: Rehab.

Since I finished my coursework in three and a third years, I did not have to take REVE 404 or REVE 505. In high school, I got a 5 on my AP Test for "General Social Awkwardness and Extreme Unpopularity," and another 5 on my AP Test for "Uptightness, Geekiness, Freakish Nerdiness, and Prudery," which were used as equivalents for REVE 101 and REVE 202, respectively, so I was able to skip those courses. Junior year, in place of REVE 303, I did an Independent Study entitled "The College Experience of the Preternaturally Uncool," where I soberly helped my drunken friends stagger back to their dorm rooms on those occaisions when they had misplaced their pants, held tipsy friends' hair back as they threw up in the toilet, listened to other people as they went through three packs of cigarettes while they whined about how they had GOT to quit smoking and they definitely would tomorrow or at least next week or maybe after they broke up with their chain-smoking significant other who was probably cheating on them, calming down casual acquaintances who in their highness believed that ants were crawling all over their body, preventing date rapes, contacting the RLA so that passed-out drunken underclassmen could be driven to the emergency room, helping the janitors scrub off graffitti and pick up messes scattered by wild party animals, assisting friends during Tenth Week who had only shown up to 10% of their classes and had blown off their homework with cramming and study guides so they could actually pass their final exams, and comforting gorgeous and intelligent female friends of mine who had just broken up with their boyfriends and really needed to talk to someone and they were SO glad that I was their friend because I really made them feel better about everything and that when they got their feelings straightened out they would definitely avoid the bad boys like their former boyfriend and go for someone like me who was really nice and kind and sweet and smart and funny and understanding only they could never actually date ME because they really treasured my friendship and I had to understand that they liked me WAY too much to be my girlfriend and that they needed the support system that I provided in my platonic friendship. No, I'm not exaggerating. This is all true. Bitter? Yes, I'm bitter, and you would be too. The only reason I'm only a 9.8 out of 10 on the bitterness scale is because I got an "A" on this Independent Study. So I never took any of the Revelry Studies courses.

Some might say that my course choices prevented me from enjoying the full college experience, but I find that my studies have prepared me well for graduate school.

I hope that you and Evil Faith– I mean, Dynoness– are having a really great, really fun time in Montreal and that you're able to slay unicorns in your hotel room.

7:18 PM  

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