Friday, March 27, 2009

Let the Wild Rumpus Begin

I'll bet Weng Weng is excited.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Greetings to Our New Adorable Overlords

Welcome to the world, new cloudy leopard cubs!!!

At long last, something to fill the void left by the panda cam having become uninteresting. Stupid baby panda cub that grew up. You're not the size of a stick of butter anymore, and you're not nearly as cute anymore, are you Butterstick*?

I also appreciate that this new zoo cub species seems to be even more incapable of perpetuating its species than the pandas, increasing its cuteness exponentially.
[The cubs] were taken immediately from their gorgeous mother before she could do them harm, or do them in, placed in an incubator set at 88 degrees and fed salt water from baby bottles.
Awww, separating progeny from parent because they might get eaten. I bet Michelle Obama had the same problem.

*I still love you best, 'Stick, even if you are eating the National Zoo out of house and home.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Seems Like a Prolonged Excuse to Mope

For some years now, the Object has been trying to get me to move to Portland. He talks about how green it is, how great the music scene is,and how much generally cooler the peoples there are, as determined by the disaffected nature of its youth, and the griminess of its hipsters scum, a layer of filth that we in DC can only aspire to.

And then I read that Portland is the Unhappiest City in America.
Portland was tops among a study of 50 of the largest metro areas that looked at a variety of factors, including the rates of depression, suicide, divorce, crime and unemployment, as well as the weather and the amount of green space.
So, the Object wants me to quit my job and move to a place where I'll really never get a job (it's not really known as an international city), get depressed because it rains all the time and there's no green space, break up with him and turn to a life of crime, eventually committing suicide. I wonder if he's trying to tell me something?

I'll take it with a grain of salt. The Object is not 100% clear on how women work. Not long ago, we were talking about a fundraiser for ovarian cancer. He asked me, "How do you know that I donated? Maybe I don't support healthy boobies!"

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

It's an Irregular Verb

Twitter. Bah. What's it good for? Sure, everyone wants to the opportunity to blow the cover on your hush-hush fact-finding mission to Iraq, but can it save your life? Evidently not, as one unlucky billionaire found out this week.

Much respect for the earnest tweeter who called for "(no tweets for the next hour)" in memoriam of his fallen friend. A poigniantly modern requiem. Nay, truly, a "tragedy in tweets," as the Guardian puts it. I'll grant them that little turn of phrase if they're willing to make it part of their jounalistic policy to refer to the past tense of tweet as twat.

C'mon, let's all conjugate together: tweet, twit, twat!

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

And You Thought Sufjan Was Just Making It Up

Here's an update for those people who were all in a tizzy yesterday about Barack Obama's call for flinty Chicago toughness jacking DC out of a snow day. As was pointed out to me by Carijudy, if we were in Chicago, we would have had the day off yesterday.

Monday, March 02, 2009


I have seen the four snowmen of the snowpacalypse. We had two inches of snow here in the District. As you may recall, President Obama said we're not tough enough, so we only got two extra hours to get to work. Normally, this sort of weather would get us two or three days off.

The peoples are not happy. Judging by their comments, this is pure, unadulterated evidence of not only What's Wrong with America, but why the global economy is in the toilet.

One commenter wrote, "C'mon you Govies.....cripe[s] you get more holidays than any other place of employment and you're complaining about not having today off."

I would just like to point out that it's not technically true that "govies" get more days off than any other place of employment. In France, they have 11 national holidays (same as us) and FIVE WEEKS of paid vacation.

And you guys were all pissed off that Barack Obama is making us socialists.