Wednesday, February 22, 2006


The National Zoo may finally be coming around to the name Butterstick. I have to say I agree with the comment that the catchphrase "everything goes better with Butter" sounds like he's ready for the saute pan.
Obligatory adorable panda picture:

Friday, February 17, 2006

Side Effects May Include Mopiness and Self-Pity

As I walked to work this morning, I wallowed in the dreary overcast grey of the morning, wishing that all lovers be thrown into the sea in the worst of weather to mock their innocence. I wished for one perfect desire that I could spend my whole life aching over my search. I felt the pain of a sensitive artist.

Then I realized the dangerous combination I had created: I was listening to Bright Eyes after having a root canal. Turns out all that aching was my tooth and the angst was lyrics. And even though the sky was kinda grey, it was still 60 degrees in February.

So I turned on the Kinks, and suddenly saw the blue in the sky and felt so educated and civilized because I'm a strict vegetarian on my way to work at a nonprofit. I'm an Apeman!

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Late Breaking

Well, this is a few days old- I thought the Olympian's name was Joey Cheeks, not Joey Cheek. This will give you two very distinct google searches- apparently Joey Cheeks is a big guy in the world of gay porn.

On the other hand, Joey Cheek is the latest reason why I love the Olympics. Way to make your fifteen minutes count!


When I was a little girl, my Catholic parents taught me to pray whenever shit went down. It never really worked for me, as the words seemed archaic, stilted and irrelevant to whatever I was going through. However, recently, someone very dear to me went through a period of great distress and turmoil: the sad iPod icon came onto his iPod. I knew that in a situation like this, the only thing to do was to offer my heartfelt prayer.

Psalm 23 for iPod:
Steve Jobs is my shepherd; I shall not want anything except for my iPod. 2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me to listen to the Still Waters by Jim White. 3 He restoreth my battery charge: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for Bon Jovi's sake. 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of sad iPod icons, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy dock and thy cable they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a playlist before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with over 5,000 songs; my gigabytes runneth over. 6 Surely goodness and opaque white apples shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of iTunes for ever.

Decisions, Decisions

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Hint: There's a Heart in the Rock

I emailed this picture to a bunch of my rock climbing friends, and many of them emailed me back, wondering what it has to do with Valentine's Day.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Back in Black and White

Just when you thought Butterstick was old news, it snowed, and he found a new way to be adorable!

Panda snow angels. Adorable. DC has a reason to love snow now!

Update: Laura Bush was apparently so taken by the Stick in the snow that she went to visit him. The Washington Post has a photo gallery here. Notice how particularly aggressive the Stick looks on the day the First Lady visited. He's trying to bite everyone and everything!

She's still younger than Bob Costas

Hey, all you 25 year-olds out there: guess what? You're OLD! That is, according to Bob Costas. In his retrospective on U.S. figure skater, Michelle Kwan, Costas opened by asking, "when did Michelle Kwan get old?" Kwan was born in July, 1980, about two months after me, which makes me officially old.

This had to be the most insulting and awful retrospective I've ever seen. I couldn't figure out why they would cast such a bitter light on her- as the gracious, athletic, elegant and most decorated woman in the history of figure skating, she restored the sport's badly tarnished image. Remember how bad we all felt for Nancy Kerrigan when she got whacked? And then she turned out to be a snarky bitch? Michelle Kwan never gave us any of that- she just gave us jump after perfect jump. Now in the face of defeat- not by a competitor, but painfully, by her own body- NBC smacked her with a snide and implicitly insulting retrospective.

Why would NBC be so harsh on Kwan? Where would the Olympics be without Michelle Kwan? U.S. Olympic Chairman Peter Ueberroth's statement, "Michelle Kwan means more to the United States Olympic Committee than maybe any athlete that's ever performed for the United States Olympic Committee," contained only a small amount of hyperbole. Ice skating draws the largest ratings for the Olympics, and after the scandals with Tony and Nancy, the Olympics desperately needed a new heroine, a role which Kwan handily filled.

Hours after Kwan's withdrawal, NBC offered her a position as a commentator, opportunistically trying to save the ratings that will inevitably fall following Kwan's exit. In a final show of grace, Kwan declined, saying that she didn't want to distract from the actual skating. Ironically, a few hours later, NBC aired its awful retrospective, lacking the one quality that has marked Kwan's career: grace.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Because Email Just Isn't Fast Enough?

I just tried to book a time for a meeting in our company's large conference room. However, my request was denied because the room is being occupied by "Falcon Testing."

Another Plague Among Us

The Object of My Affection has just informed me of a plague that could perhaps be even more devastating than the Killer Death Flakes. Learn how to protect yourself and your loved ones now, before it's too late.

Killer White Substance to Strike DC!!!!!

In Washington, DC, for days, even weeks, we have been living a hedonistic lifestyle with mild-weather days of fifty degrees and light fleece jackets without so much as a hat or mittens. Caught up in the times, some people have even taken to wearing flip-flops. The doomsday naysayers of weather forecasting, namely, Punxsutawney Phil, warned us that the good times wouldn't last forever. That someday, caught up in our insouciant disregard for proper layering, we would be caught unawares and perhaps without a heavy enough jacket.

And now the time is near. They're coming. The Killer Death Flakes.

Tomorrow, accoring to, a "substantial snowstorm" will wreak havoc on our nation's capital. According to, a "major snowstorm" will wallop our area with 2-4 INCHES OF SNOW(which may actually be rain)!!!!!!! In a show of some of the finest journalism so far this year, this has been translated by the Washington Post as 5-10 inches. And the worst part is, Philadelphia, two hours away, might get snow, too!!!!

Here in our nation's capital, we handle snow with the same grace, dignity and aplomb as we handle terrorist threats, which is to say, none. We prefer fear, shock, and awe to address our nation's weather.

Denizens of DC, we must be prepared to avoid another Katrina. Stock up on toilet paper, batteries and duct tape, euthanize your pets (sorry kitty!) and get the fuck out of town! Unfortunately, getting out of town at this point leaves you with four options: west or north, where the Killer Death Flakes will have already ravaged the country, south, where people are way too into chickens for my taste, or east, into the ocean.

Looks like it's time to bust out the flippers and a Schlitz malt liquor to ease the pain.

Monday, February 06, 2006

The M Street Camel

More Breaking News

This just in: apparently no one cares about the loose camel across the street. This includes my boss, who just told me to get back to work.

Breaking News

Right now, there is a camel on the loose across the street from my office building. As far as I can tell, he's been cornered into an alley on the south side of M street, between 19th and 20th.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Are Ligers Next?

The most disturbing part of Bush's State of the Union speech last night were his anti-human-animal hybrid comments. Who will represent Ariel or the Teen Werewolf in government, if not our great democracy? Furthermore, human-animal hybrids have long been used to protect our nation from grave threats of terrorism, including Optimus Prime, Shredder and Krang and, perhaps the greatest threat to our nation, Mumm-Ra and his mutants???

I am calling for a 9/11 style non-partisan commission to investigate the the full impact of manimals in society. Let's have all the facts before we judge. Manimals representing the Democrats will include Cheetara, McGruff The Crime Dog and Hillary Clinton, while representing the Republicans will be Skeletor, Rudy Giuliani and Smokey the Bear.