Monday, July 31, 2006

Civics Lessons 101, 102, and 103

Dear Peoples of The District of Columbia,

Greetings from the Goo! Why is it that despite the fact that us DC peoples run the country, we're not actually part of it? All those insipid action alerts from the do-gooders are rendered useless in the District. Check it- don't you get something like this in your email box at least thrice daily?

You have to click on the picture to see what "Friends" of
the Earth want you to do for Earth Day.

How are we Denizens of DC supposed to dedicate Earth Day to Global Warming?1 Have no fear, for we have a woman, a superwoman, a bionic woman fighting for us, and for our right to bitch and moan to our government. She will make you feel as warm and cuddly as a tepid pile of phlegm. Do not fuck with this woman, as Eleanor Holmes Norton is NOT easily amused. Not even by Stephen Colbert.

You can all rest easy now. Have no fear, the people who run your nation but are not part of it are safe, thanks to EHN. Except for that whole crime emergency thing. And the West Nile thing. Oh, and if you're poor, you should probably still worry a bit. Sleep tight!

The Goo

1.Sidenote to Friends of the Earth: while that may have seemed like a good idea back in April, when it was still kind of chilly for most Washingtonians, I really don't think advancing global warming is too earth-friendly. Also, have you noticed your acronym is secretly FOE? Is that supposed to be a subliminal message? Or a joke that flies over the heads of the tools2 who donate to you?

2.Stupid journalistic integrity rules, grrr. It has been pointed out to me that it in the interest of full disclosure, I should admit that I am one of the tools donating to Friends of The Earth.


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