Let's Hear Some Fancy Claps For Him

"My mother used to tell me about vibrations. I didn't really understand too much of what that meant when I was just a boy. To think that invisible feelings, invisible vibrations existed scared me to death. "

--Brian Wilson


So have you ever noticed the Ninja Soundtrack? Look to the right... no, your other right... down...down.... yeah, that's it! Those are my latest most favorite awesomest tunes that RAWK. Sometimes people ask me how I find out about wicked cool new bands, or know which are the most supremely awesomest concerts to rawk out at.

The truth? I have no idea where the music comes from.

It just appears on my iPod. From the Rawk Goblin.

Haven't you heard of the legend of the Rawk Goblin? No wonder your tunes suck. He's a trollish little man, who dresses not unlike Mr. Clean (including the "hairstyle" and earring), wandering the back alleys of DC, humming Brian Wilson tunes off-key, mocking yindies under his breath to their faces, but still bestwoing on them the most supremely awesomest tunes-only if they've got the good vibrations, of course. He's a benevolent but elusive creature; apocryphal sources report sightings of him trawling the aisles of Soundgarden in Baltimore and performing the white boy shuffle at the Black Cat.

I've never seen the Rawk Goblin, but I always know he's there, a stalwart patron of sweet, sweet music. I can feel him. Every time my headphones blast tunes that RAWK,the wind whispers, "Hirsch". Thinking of the Rawk Goblin, I smile and turn up the volume on Petra Hayden in homage to the weird little green man who makes it all possible.