Muppet Hunters!

Today at the Goo, we're pleased about the new Menomena album, Friend and Foe (whoa, Menomena- been listening to Steely Dan much?) as well as the AWESOME Christmas-in-January pressie from Chris Chan of the Muppet Show DVDs, which I may have watched obsessively well into the wee hours of the morning.

To celebrate, we bring you Muppets of a sort-of vampivirish nature.

Jeebus.

Craigslisters of DC:

You guys understand that Sufjan Stevens just sings about Jesus; he's not actually Jesus?

Because Omelets, Like Life, Are Empty and Meaningless. Only One Nauseates Me, Though

In the metaphysics news of late: didja know that Jean-Paul Sartre had a cookbook?

Highlights:
"I have realized that the traditional omelet form (eggs and cheese) is bourgeois. Today I tried making one out of cigarette, some coffee, and four tiny stones. I fed it to Malraux, who puked. I am encouraged, but my journey is still long."

We haven't had so much fun at the Goo since the Nietzsche Family Circus came to town.

Tip o' the hat to the penultimate fraternal unit (there are some who call him... Tim).

To Be Fair, He Is A Strong Black Male Role Model

So I just went outside to yell at three little boys who were throwing rocks at my window. When I asked them why they thought throwing rocks at my window would be a good idea, they responded, "We wanted to see the big black cat!" And so there I was, in the fading light of a hungover Sunday, clad in my pajama pants and pink cartoon whale shirt, yelling "Leave my cat alone!" to a bunch of doe-eyed ten- year olds.

I am officially The Crazy Cat Lady.

It could have been a lot worse- at least I didn't yell "Don't go near my big black pussy!"

Also, Greg McGuirk Is A Jerk.

Dear Indiana,

Re: Superbowl songs- it's only funny when the players make asses of themselves, not the fans. Cuz you know what? You're asses to begin with.

Go Bears!

Love and kisses,

The Goo

Today, CNN gives us the second-best headline of the week (who can top the Time's give war a chance?):

Dems, Bush call on one another to be bipartisan

A bipartisan call to be bipartisan? Sounds metapartisan to me. Somewhere in the cosmos, Jacques Derrida is smiling contentedly.

We're All Saved From The Possible Dearth of Cute Aminal Babies

Just in the nick of time (or possibly six months before it's really necessary), we have a Butterstick substitute. I call him Butter-Flavored Crisco.

Bah. Friday.

Today's little bit of internetty goodness comes to the Goo via the Argyle Academy and celebrates the fact that I sold a kidney to buy Decemberists tickets because yes, I am a tool^1.. But wouldn't you be if you had the opportunity to see the lovely Ms. Ellis?


In other news: I have not seen daylight in the past few days. I miss it.


1.Specifically, a rope saw, cuz they're cool, useful, and can double as a garrote, which is what I needed when I discovered a little too late that my alarm didn't go off this morning, and was subsequently late to meet the Board of Directors. That's ok, I didn't want a raise anyways.

Oh, And Of Course Ted Kennedy Passed Out

In their coverage of the speechifying last night, the Post busted out this headline:

Bush Urges Congress, Nation To Give His Iraq Plan a Chance

Yes, that's right, the president wants you to give war a chance. That's a lot catchier than John Lennon's version, isn't it?

My favorite parts of the speech:

• "Madam Speaker": defs got little goosebumps. I loved the bipartisan green suit; and her disdainful look was withering; it was all I could do not to go sit in the corner in a time-out every time she busted that out.
  
• Cheney: purple tie- shoutout to Mary Cheney? He was not ok with the whole "you can conserve" theme. I think I saw him actually kill Ed Markey using only his eyes at one point.
  
• Wait a minute: tax cuts for people who don't pay taxes? How does that work? Can we divide by zero now?
  
• The special guests: No dogs? Lame. I couldn't decide who I liked more: the Baby Einstein lady with teeth that were waaaaaaay to white for this town, or the New York City Subway hero who milked his 15 minutes of fame into 30 (blowing kisses! He was blowing kisses!!!!) The Army Sergeant was a little too classy and gracefully modest for my taste.
• Wait a minute- did he just say global climate change is a problem? Well that's kinda cool.
• The best part of the dems coming to power? We are finally over our only red and/or blue tie phase. Sigh, I can't wait for the diversity on Congress to be more than just the dude's ties.
  
• The rebuttal: Jim Webb, The Boring Maverick! I would have paid more attention to the speech had he been wearing a coonskin cap instead of that hairpeice.
  
  

In watching the speech, a very clear solution presented itself; one that I'm shocked the Iraq Study Group didn't recommend. As a nation, The U.S. must devote all of its resources, time, energy, and best and brightest minds to developing a time machine. Bush wouldn't have to ask the federal government to balance the budget that he unbalanced; he wouldn't have to call for support for Vietnam: The Middle East Edition, and what with Al Gore being the president, not only would we not be so worried about global warming, we'd get a lot more sleep at night. There's something to be said for a boring president.

This Day Is Going Straight The Crapper

NEVER SLEEPING AGAIN OMG AM GOING TO GET EATEN BY A GIANT FISH

SHENANIGANS: THE DECEMBERISTS EDITION

So my inbox happily blooped last night when I received the message from The Decemberists ListServe that they're coming back to town, and the presale starts Jan. 23.

So a few minutes ago, I moseyed on over to the presale-selling site, only to find that they're playing at Strathmore and tickets are

FORTY DOLLARS AND FIFTY FUCKING CENTS.

Let that sink in for a sec.
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Ok, blood pressure back down. Fine, $40.50; the last concert was amazing; maybe they're touring with a full orchestra or aColin Meloy will play on top of a live whale that will eat the band or, or, or a flock of cranes that they'll shoot one of or SOMETHING.

But NO, all of the other venues listed are "reasonably" priced- e.g., Norfolk, VA= $21. And don't try to tell me some other bullshit about a city costing more, cuz Chicago tickets are $23. And don't try to tell me some other bullshit about seating, cuz the next-highest price is $29.50. Remember when you paid $15 bucks to see them at the Black Cat? Hell, it mighta even been $13!

GARGH! Decemberists, you are making it VERY DIFFICULT to be my favorite band. First I got screwed out of six bucks when I had to by the iTunes live special to replace the stupid Laura Veirs version of "Yankee Bayonet" (I'm still pissed off that Lisa Molinaro didn't record on the album) and now if I want to go see them again, I'm gonna get screwed out of another wad of cash. Please, I cure cancer in developing countries; I don't make heaps of money! Do they think they've suddenly gotten a new fanbase of wealthy profiteers?

Until further notice, I am calling the Decemberists out for DOUCHEBAGGERY.

If anyone needs me, I will be listening to the "On the Bus Mall" and weeping for the Decemberists characters who wouldn't be able to afford the show either.

UPDATE: Ahhh, the Decemberists are back in my good graces. Check this out from Dawn, one of their PR peoples, who got back to me within TWO HOURS to explain the sitch:

I'm really sorry about your frustration with the Strathmore ticket prices. The band, their agent & I debated on the best venue for the DC market for quite a while. Our only real choices were the Strathmore, multiple nights at the 9:30 (which we couldn't fit into the time alloted to this tour) or making the leap to a much larger venue (which we were concerned about selling enough tickets to fill). After much debate, we decided to go to the Strathmore, a venue which requires higher ticket prices due to room rental fees. The only other option was to skip DC altogether which we didn't want to do since the city has, as you point out, been so supportive of the Decemberists. If you wait until after the pre-sale you can purchase tickets directly from the 9:30 Club box office or from www.strathmore.org to avoid the service fees.

OK, I'm buying my ticket now.

Why Yes, I AM Linking to FourFour Again

FourFour's been on a roll lately, but today's post is the most fascinating, provacative-in-good-way, and insightful thing I've seen in since this. I'm scared to death of becoming an addict, if only because my parents drilled into our brains the inevitability of my family's addictive genes (you will hooked!) and the fact that the first sip of booze is also the first step of a slippery slope down into the Valley of the Dolls. Of course, the saving grace is that I'm not a drug user (oh, c'mon, that doesn't count), so it's a little like worrying about getting preggers through virgin birth. Although, come to think of it, I was cautioned against that one, too. You just never know when the Holy Spirit is gonna get randy.

In any case, I have come to realize that I abhor crystal meth, if only for what it's done to NyQuil. Fuck you crystal meth users; I hope you all get this cold and cough that's going around and get no relief whatsoever from NyQuil OR your precious crystal meth. Gargh!

It's Something to Think About...

I kinda (really really)want a tattoo on my ass that says "it's portable!"

Woo to the Motherfucking Hoo!

YAY! If I were a better person, I wouldn't be so excited to lord this over my upstairs neighbor, who is such a ginormous Saints fan that for his game party, he woke up at the buttcrack of dawn to move furniture very loudly directly over my head while I was trying to be hungover. But alas, I will be knocking on the door this evening to deliver pierogies to counter his jambalaya offer. But I will give the Saints their due for the play of the day: I was at the Argonaut watching the game with a bunch of cops, who said that if Reggie Bush were a criminal, they'd be screwed(apparently, they don't get squad cars or horses anymore).

How much would I give to be in Chicago in two weeks? $118, that's how much. Karin, Gabe and Jackson: Consider yerselves warned! It's been far too long since we've had a good hometeam winners-riot! The acrid smell of the turned over and burning cars dissipates, but the memories last a lifetime.

Also, oh internetty friends: do I bet on the game? Or will that jinx them?

HAPPY SNEW!

Oh yes, the little white flakes of death are falling. And oh yes, the peoples of DC are in a tizzy. Dammit, I guess this means I won't get my grocery shopping today. They should start putting up signs when it snows to let the peoples know that the sky is not actually falling, nor has God forsaken them, which is the general reaction around these parts when the snow starts coming down. Something a little like this would work nicely:

Besides, the Bears play better in snow.

Also, the Object just pointed out that the snow has brought out the seagulls. I'm never quite sure why there are seagulls is my neighborhood, since it takes two hours to get to any beach.

Militant Pedestrians: Raise Your Voices! And Nunchaku!

Oooooh! DC Pedestrian Master Plan Survey! How much do I love the sound of the Pedestrian Master Plan? It sounds so deliciously nefarious; finally, a way to eliminate the drivers in my crosswalks once and for all! Muahahahahahahaha!

Again, I Beseech Thee

Dear Awesome Internet Geeks,

I turn to thee again. Now that my ? key is back on and funcational, thanks in no small part to Rababob, I have another question for you internet genuses.

How can I get episodes of The Office that I downloaded at work (um, but defs did not watch at work, cough) off my work computer and onto my home computer? The following constraints apply:

1. I cannot use my iPod, as it is obsolete for such technology
2. I do not have a DVD burner at work
3. Compressing the episodes into zip files has not worked
4. I am an idiot and must be spoken to like a small child who has been dropped repeatedly on her head
5. I have a "portable" hard drive and about 400 memory sticks (thanks, Pharma!), but saving the files on them and trying to transport them hasn't really worked.

Suck On That, Hillary!

Oh yeah, he'll get my vote.

Poor Hillary, this has got to be killing her and her Chicago pride. Pshaw, if she even has any left.

SnewWatch '07 and a Spoiler

SO CLOSE, but what fell down from yonder sky tonight was not snow that blanketed our nation's capital with a layer of what appears to be snot. But this does give us hope that the little white flakes o' death will soon be on their way!

By the way, I just got back from seeing the FREE SCREENING (oh yes, my ticket-winning abilities are unparalleled) of God Grew Tired of Us. I came away with two things from this movie:

1. The woman next to me in this movie must never, ever attend a film in public again. During every pivotal scene of the movie, she would "Awwwwwww" as though she were part of a live studio audience on a very special Full House. Wanting to scratch out her throat with antenna of my phone really dampened the whole "brotherhood of man" spirit of the movie for me.

2. I have got to stop bitching about my job. So what if I'm not 100% stimulated all the time, and am wholly underappreciated by my boss- at the end of the day I am still curing cancer in developing countries. Yeah, where's that twat to say "awwwww" now, huh?

Don't remind me of this next week when I am bitching about my job again. Thanks!

Highlight of the movie: Well, yeah, John Bul's reunion with his mother after 17 years and the slightly embarrassed look on his face when she started ululating. But the other highlight of the movie was seeing The Lost Boys try and figure out what the fuck to do with foil-wrapped pads of butter when they saw prepackaged food for the first time. Also, smooshing up the Ritz crackers like manioc and then making a soup from it. I never wanted this movie to end. WHy the fuck did The Simple Life with Whatshername and the Ugly One get turned into a t.v. show instead of this?

NOW I Get It!

For the second day in a row, I am being forced against my will not to go to work today. Lose your voice and whip out the hacking cough of a three pack a day 80-year old asthmatic and suddenly everyone thinks they're next. Bitch, bitch, bitch!

So I'm sitting on the futon with the kitties, watching Mommie Dearest. You know, I always thought that Kayne from Project Runway just really hated wire hangers. I mean, don't you?

WAIT A MINUTE! Also, "This ain't my first time at the rodeo"??? Is it a requirement that to be a gay fashion designer, one has to quote this movie? If she starts talking about universal languages and boners, I'm totally turning this off. Unless nothing better is on, which is a remote possibility.

So after this is over, I'm off on a quest to find a place within walking distance that will sell me a cribbage board. I need to practice, just in case I ever want to gamble in a pub in England.

It IS The Harvard of the Midwest

Tip o' the hat to fellow proud Lawrence Alum, Chris Chan, who pointed out Woohoo LU in the news!

There really is more to Appleton than the escorts. Sometimes when i'm feelng nostalgic, I'll close my eyes and go back there in my mind. I can almost smell the fetid stank of the milk rendering plant at the bottom of Trever Hall, taste the swarms of gypsy moths, hear the incessant rumble of the freight trains and feel the sting of the frostbite from the three or four degree January temperatures. Good times!

OK, I do miss the free recitals and the jazz concerts. Oh, and the people. Oh, and the intellectual stimulation. Can I just tell you how many people do not understand the significance of the cave? Or the deeper meaning of the phrase, "my mother is a fish!" Fucking amateurs, every one of them!

Sigh, this just reminds me that I want to make a shirt that says "Harvard: The Lawrence of the East."

Woohoo?

So this has been an unexpectedly awesome day:

• For the first time this week, I woke up without the strong urge to bore holes in my head and chest to drain out the snot
• Remembered it's not 75 degrees anymore and put on my fleece pants and was warm and toasty all the way to work
  
• Got the last seat on the bus
• That eye candy guy who I see every few weeks on the bus got off at my stop and held the door for everyone getting off the back of the bus
• Despite the fact that I feel heaps better, my boss still sent me back home
• The spicy corn chowder I made last night tastes even better today
• And then I read this, which is so funny I almost peeped in underpants

So that brings us to the present. I'm actually kinda bored and antsy to be back at work, since my review is tomorrow and I still have heaps to do. And there's really only so much online cribbage and essay writing and editing one can do in a day. And Phil Spector's trial has been postponed again. Why does no one else care about this?

Can't You Feel It?

People always ask why I'm a huge Bears fan, despite the fact that I don't know or really care that much about football. During last Sunday's game, Schott asked me who the coach of the Bears is. There is only one correct answer: Mike Ditka.

Oh yes, soon we will all dance the Superbowl Shuffle again. Because, in the immortal words of Fourfour, if there is a universal language, surely it's dance floor boners.

Grumble.

The details of last night are just a little hazy to me, despite the fact that no intoxicants were ingested(unless you count eucalyptus oil. Just don't ask).

Mistakes were made. Oh yes, mistakes were made- in the planning of my evening.

I mean, how many of you have fallen for this line?

"Let's watch that Wes Craven movie, Red Eye, that just came out, and we can pause it in the middle and watch Bush's speech. It'll be so much fun!"

Right. I would have preferred to engage in fewer activities last night that involved the gratuitous showing of a B/bush and reliance on the deus ex machina to reach denoument. She just "found" a gun after running around her house for a little while? And he "believes" the new plan that isn't any different from the old plan will work? Somebody get me Peggy Noonan!

That said, props to Bush for his passive construction- that's gonna be fodder for high school english teachers for decades. Way to ruin it for the rest of us who know that passive voice can be used with panache.

I Am a Liar

Yeah, I know I said no more YouTube today, but I almost peeped in underpants, I'm so excited.

Also, most ridiculously bloviating review of Funeral. You will laugh until you peep in underpants. This is the reason why so many hipsters are self-loathing.

The good news is that I am not a hipster; I am merely a yindie, as evidenced by the fact that this is the second time I am referencing NPR in one day: preview the new Arcade Fire song on All Songs Considered.

Reason #5,361

So the kids over at DCist are in a tizzy over the latest sex ed debate. Here's all you gotta know about sex ed:



The reasons are infinite.

Ok, I guess we're done with the YouTube for the day.

This is Worse Than That Damn Renee Montagne

This is why I drink tea.

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!

Dear All You Pricks Who Were Pissy About Keith Ellison Getting Sworn in on the Koran,

That's my Koran. So shuteth the fuck up. Unless, of course you hate America.

Love and Kisses,

Thomas J.



(Editor's note: I think it would be really, really funny to have a contest to see which would be the biggergroup of blowhards: The Unitarian Universalists who claim Thomas J. for themselves, or the UVA kids who claim Thomas J. for themselves. )

SOS! SOS! SOS!

For the love of god, someone out there has got to help me! The question mark key came off the lappy, and I can't figure out how to get it back on- it's not like legos, it doesn't fit at all! I am forced to limit my sentences to the declarative and imperative!

And to answer your question (way to flaunt your question marks at me), no, I am not spacially retarded. Apparently the only thing attaching the question mark key was magic. And also, two little black thingies that sorta fit together, but not really.

Yum.

Generally for breakfast, I like a nice big bowl of lentils or beans, but lately, I have been hankering for some fruity oaty bars.


And for those of you who like the special features: interview with the director.

Best License Plate EVER

I see this license plate every so often on my block, and every time I see it, I'm tickled pink. Loosely translated, "toubab" is Wolof for "honkey".

The Goo Report

You know, I've kinda missed the Goo Report. I dunno why I stopped doing it. In any case, here's an installment for you, chock full of the cholesterol that clogs the arteries of the tubes of internetty goodness.

I know it's a little late, but this is still hilarious. And, yes, I'm still working on a design for my "Global Warming Kills Santa" campaign. T-shirts!

There's no justice like angry mob justice. When I lived in Dakar, my friend Steve's backpack was stolen- inside it were his camera, passport, wallet, books, life, etc. When he told his host family about the incident, two of his "brothers" quietly left the house. They came back a few hours later with the backpack. The next day, the mugger, sporting a face full of fresh, pulpy bruises, apologized to Steve.

You know what I hate more than those fucking iPod earbuds? Fucking iPod earbud accessories. For serious.

"9. Climate. The Bush administration, after years of denial about global warming, lists the polar bear as a threatened species, warning that its icy habitat is in danger of melting. In a bold effort to save the beloved predator from extinction, the administration announces plans to let Exxon Mobil drill for polar bears in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge." Watch out for armoured bears!

The headline, Charges dropped against girl who wet her pants was a lot funnier than the article's content, which was actually quite depressing.

You know, ethics are all well and good, but what about those poor kids who have to go to gym class now? I mean, a DOLLAR to get out of gym? It's not like the teacher was turning a huge profit. She was thinking of the children!

CATFIGHT!

Speaking of catfights, poor Alex. His breasts are perfectly lovely, leave him alone!

Yes, the picture has nothing to do with the post. Except that I just wanted to prove a point: Deinonychus is pronounced [dai.ˈna.ni.kəs], not [dai.no.'ni.kəs]. And just in case you doubt the supremacy of either Wikipedia (which, granted, is at times a dubious source) OR IPA, here's some backup. All of you who doubted me and my dinoknowledge can suck on it, as I will no longer let you play with my awesome dinosaur cards. Mua. hahaha. ahahahaahhahah. Nerd alert: While I realize that a more accurate portrayal of deinonychus would show it as being the correct size- a lot smaller than the cheetah- and with the pack of raptors it travelled with, this was the goriest picture I could find, and gore always trumps accuracy.

New Rules

Effective immediately, the following rules are in place:

1. When the Object yells at me, he has to do my dishes.

2. Before I pester the Object seven hundred and thirty-six bajillion times a day to check with his mom to see if I left under his bed one of the cashmere argyle socks she gave me as a Christmas pressie, I will look in my own bag first, because the chances are probably pretty good it's in my bag.





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Relationships are all about compromise, right?

Austin, Austin, Drinking Rum and Chocolate (Close Enough, OK?)

I'm starting to think that Austin is the place for me, save the fact that I'll starve (Texans don't cotton to us vegematarian types). They have Buffy singalongs! And they also have The Greatest Place On Earth: The Apparation Miracle Holy Mary Pecan Grove Christian Roller Skate and Roller Blade.

STOP HERE.

Your reward if you stop?

You get to join in the singing of Christian and/or patriotic songs-really, what's the difference?
This eye candy pressie is courtesy of Helena, who is very sad that she missed out on the Buffy singalong. Also, her family has its own brand. I can't tell if the shiver I had was a little thrill or a little knee-jerk vegematarian huzz. I'll pray to the Miracle Apparation [sic]!

2006: The Year In Books

So I've been trying to look for an overarching theme in the books that I read in 2006, to no avail. That's the fun part abut growing up; you don't need a grand narrative.

1. The Eiger Sanction: Trevanian ***Fluffy climbing read with a few lame sex scenes- the movie is better, but that's just cuz it's got Clint Eastwood climbing.
2. Caught Inside: Daniel Duane ****My introduction to surfing. I bet the Object regrets having given this to me, since for about six months after reading it, I woke him up in the middle of the night with yet another question about surfing. This quelled somewhat when he took me surfing, but will probably not abate totally until I get my ass out to southern Cali or back to Costa Rica.
3. The Golden Compass: Phillip Pullman *****Armored bears and peace through atheism. Nuff said.
4. The Subtle Knife: Phillip Pullman (Second book in the trilogy)
5. The Amber Spyglass: Phillip Pullman (Third book in the trilogy)
6. Winner of the National Book Award: Jincy Willett ****Hilarious satire of Rhode Island insularity- misanthropic cackle-out-loud funny. If you''re looking for the best Jincy Willett, pick up a copy of her short story, The Best of Betty.

TestMasters LSAT Prep Books 1-24 (Ok, I know these technically don't count, but I stopped reading anything else for two months)

7. The Lady and the Panda: Vicki Constantine Croake**Interesting story, but Croake had a hard time modifying her narrative from that of a journalist telling a story in 10,000 words to book length. The style just never really suited the story.
8. The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle: Haruki Murakama ****Brilliant and wonderfully cumbersome metaphysical detective story. This book took a month to read, just because I would need to set it down to digest the ideas properly.
9. The Sex Lives of Cannibals: J. Maarten Troost ***Nice, fluffy read that anyone who has lived in a developing country will appreciate reading and emapthizing with the frustrations of such .
10. Getting Stoned With Savages: J. Maarten Troost**Sequel, but a the story becomes a little tiresome halfway through.
11. Franny and Zooey: J.D. Salinger***** I don't know how I managed to live through 25 years without having read any Salinger. I see what all the fuss is about- he touches on pretty much every emotion associated with familial insularity and expectations in about 100 pages. By the way, my roommate's cats are called Franny and Zooey, which made for some weird mental pictures as I read the book.
12. Three by Flannery O'Connor I will never outgrow Flannery O'Connor and her satires of southern living.
13. The Monkey Wrench Gang: Edward Abbey ** A Valentine's Present from the Object, who loves hugging the trees. That said, it took Abbey 150 pages to blow up the first bridge, and by the time he got there, I hated the characters so much that I hoped they would all die in one of their eco-terrorism adventures. Too bad, the premise is really funny, but there was no redemption to the misanthropy.
14. Boys of Winter: Wayne Coffey *****Great sports read tying in the larger themes of the Cold War. The action scenes are so well written that you can smell the ice. I'm pretty indifferent to hockey, but I couldn't put this book down.
15. Areas of My Expertise: John Hodgman ***Hilarious book that's nice to come home to when you're too tired (or drunk) to read anything substantive. The nonsense he comes up with needs to be taken in small doses, much like the brandy he serves at his hilarious readings. The highlight of reading John Hodgman (you may know him as the PC Guy) is definitely then going to see John Hodgman, who is a comic genius. Also, he remembers names incredibly well. Also, if you meet him, maybe he'll hook you up with the hot Mac Guy.
16. DC Noir ed. George Pelecanos****Hit or miss essays in noir form (der). Definitely kept me up a few nights when I was reading crime stories that theoretically took place blocks from my house.
17. The Neverending Story: Michael Ende****I knicked this from the Object when he bailed on a hike halfway through the hike , then gobbled it in one sitting. Po-mo children's story written long before Sophie's World. Bad idea: watching the movie right after reading the book, which is seven bajillion times better, as books are wont to be.
18. Malice Aforethought: Francis Iles *****This may be my favorite read of the year- psycological crime drama (I believe it pretty much was the first of the genre) in which a petty English country doctor kills his wife only to find that his lover just isn't that into him. It's like reading Law & Order:SVU, excpet that instead of the characters being overwrought and angst-ridden, they're all parodies of themselves And it all takes place in rural England, so there's lots of tweeds and pipes involved (seriously).
19. Gates of Eden: Ethan Coen ***The story about the Mob's failure to take over Minneapolis almost made me peep in underpants.
20. My Antonia: Willa Cather ****Like reading Little House on the Prairie with every important theme in American literature tossed in. Delicious luscious read- much larger than what the Object asserts about the book, which is that it is "bullshit feminist claptrap".
21. Sellevision:Augustyn Burroughs **You know, every Augustyn Burroughs book I read has the same problem- the first two-thirds are brilliant, but then the final third peters off into nothingness, leaving the reader completely unsatisfied.
22. The Partly Cloudy Patriot:Sarah Vowell ****I have a hard time reading Sarah Vowell's works, because I'm pretty sure we are actually the same person. It creeps me out to read someone so very similar to me, but I'll take the compliment every time I get it.
23. A History of the World in Ten and A Half Chapters: Julian Barnes *****I'm pretty sure this should be required reading for humans. Revisionist history at its finest.
24. Genie: An Abused Child's Flight from Silence: Russ Rymer *****When a book is described as meticulously researched, it's generally damning with faint praise. Rymer's narrative makes cognitive psychology and linguistics fascinating as he weaves them seamlessly into the narrative of this case study of a feral child.
25. Lost in the City: Edward P. Jones- Ok, I only finished half of this, as I was then given Maus for Christmas, but gorgeous character sketches of the other side of DC life- the side outside of politics.
25. Maus: A Survivor's Tale: Art Spiegelman *****For more information, see Christmas pressies, awesomeness of. Seriously, though. The book tells the story of Art Spiegelman's father, Vledek, surviving of the Holocaust while portraying the effect it has had on their father-son relationship and the son's angst in taking on such a grand project- a meta-meta-narrative without ever trying to create a grand narrative. Amazing storytelling.

Highlights for 2007: My brother gave me Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, which I'm actually having a hard time getting into, mostly because I'm not feeling like devoting myself to 800 pages at the moment. I might snike some of the Object's books I gave him for Christmas... Master and Margarita is calling my name- in Russian!

My Next Pet WILL Be A Marsupial. Or Maybe a Monotreme.

You know, I keep thinking that I want a puggle, but the problem is that they'll grow up. Sigh. Maybe I'll just get a platypus.

Inappropriate Thoughts While Watching the Ford Funeral

If like me, you woke up to your head banging (no, am not hungover, but my upstairs neighbors feel that it's completely appropriate to put in a new floor on a day off at the ungodly hour of 9 AM!! Assholes) and faced with the choice between catching up on the latest Britney unnews or watching the Ford funeral, well, der.

Soem thoughts:

• George H.W. Bush looks completely resigned to the fact that he's next to go. I think we can all agree that Jimmy Carter, the Ned Flanders of Presidents, will never die, he'll just morph into some sort of talking presidential library.
  
• Poor Betty Ford. She looks like she really wants a drink.
  
• Whoa, those Episcopalians need to do a better job of making their altar boys not look like KKK members. C'mon, a red sash or something.
  
• Would it kill W Bush to sit up straight?
  
• Wait, does HW Bush realize that Lyndon Johnson, not Ford, took over after Kennedy's death?
  
• You know, if Ford really wanted to erase the trauma of Watergate, he would have razed that building. God, I hate having to see that every time I'm on my way to Bed, Bath, and Beyond and the other suburban wonders. What an eyesore.
  
• OMG, HW Bush just had the funniest moment of his life, making fun of Dana Carvey making fun of him. Metahumor is always appropriate.
  
• Whoa, lengthy much, Kissinger? A simple "Betty, crank it" would have sufficed.
  
• Whoa, it looks like one of those kids is really broken up. Cheer up! It's not like it's a funer-- oh oops. Maybe I'll shut up now.